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‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 12: The Hidden Mustard Packet
Bravo

You would think that ten seasons of seven adult women squabbling over hotel rooms is its own type of prison, unless, well, you’ve actually spent a night in prison. Yep, we’re back at it with another girls’ trip at what seems eerily like another outpost of Dorinda Medley’s Berkshire abode…but is actually the Grace Mayflower Inn and Spa of Connecticut.

To the group’s joy, Luann is back north and boy, has she been humbled. She’s bit on the proverbial mustard packet, as they say. Or wait, no one says that: Lu actually bit on a mustard packet, because that’s how they serve bologna sandwiches in jail—with a do-it-yourself condiment option/choking hazard tucked between the bread.

After the 43rd retelling of Lu’s arrest story—which goes a ’lil something like this: There was a cat, so Lu checked into the Colony Hotel with an aged (that’s key) polo player who she only got to kissing when the housekeeper narced on her for being in the wrong hotel room. At this point, Lu, who couldn’t believe she was being arrested, tried to escape and assaulted the officer. Needless to say, she spent the night in jail, freezing in a hideous sundress—right, so after Lu spun her yarn around that tale one last time, the ladies lamented and fawned at Lu’s glowing skin, tanned legs and chastened self as they downed absurd amounts of alcohol and clinked their glasses to Lu’s sobriety!

But of course, there’s always a mustard packet. In this case, it’s Ramona disguising herself as a friendly bologna sandwich and waxing poetic about the importance of female friendship. The dramatic irony is that we all know she texted Lu’s ex, Tom, for an invite to his New Year’s party, callously held on the same boat as Lu and Tom’s rehearsal dinner. In rare Housewives form, all the women side with Lu on this one. But Ramona refuses to apologize. But the best part is that Tom responded to Ramona with, “I’m over my limit.” HAHAHAHAHA. Ramona’s not only a scab, but she’s a scab who crossed picket lines for no reason.

And yet, it gets worse. Ramona posts a picture of the group to Instagram with a cornucopia of drinks and wineglasses on the table, which compromises Lu’s standing with her case. The judge had told her not to drink. It’s actually a big deal. And Ramona, to her credit as an absolute monster, does not repent. Why? Because everyone looked pretty, aka she thought she looked pretty. But the crux is that she can’t even pretend to feel sorry for her actions, which is really throwing off the ladies. Are her sociopathic maneuvers being dulled by age? 

Besides Ramona and Lu, we got some cute moments between Sonja and Bethenny and some strange moments between Dorinda and Sonja. Ladies, arguing about whether or not it’s appropriate to wear a former husband’s family crest is only something you should be talking about if you live in an actual castle, earn your income by taxing the public, and crowds of townspeople yell, “Long live, [YOU]!” when your Rolls-Royce heads to Meghan and Harry’s wedding.

And yet still, of all of this—the arrest, rehab, Ramona’s cruelty and Dorinda’s bullying of Sonja—the biggest mustard packet of it all was Lu herself. Because referring to a middle-aged friend as a “bridesmaid” from a marriage that lasted as long as the free fruit Sonja’s hoarding in her Louis Vuitton, is, as Tinsley would put it, not a little misdemeanor, but a major criminal offense.

‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 1
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 2
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 3
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 4
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 5
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 6
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 7
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 8
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 9
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 10
‘The Real Housewives of New York’ Season 10 Episode 11

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