23 Things Every Only Child Can Relate to
Yes, we know how to share (we just don’t like to)
Ah, the joys of being an only child. Sure, we didn’t have any brothers or sisters to confide in, but there were lots of other perks that came with sibling-less-ness: Our parents have never called us by the wrong name, and the house was basically our domain. (Of course, we had to share it with our parents, but we knew how to work around that.) Here, 23 things every only child can relate to:
1. Contrary to popular belief, we do know how to share.
2. But that doesn’t make this pint of ice cream big enough for the both of us.
3. And by “both of us,” we’re referring to our imaginary friend.
4. Yes. Even our imaginary friend had imaginary friends.
5. And that group of friends had more drama than Mean Girls, which made it hard to explain to your parents why you were crying.
6. And you couldn’t really blame a broken vase on Bonkers, so you constantly begged your parents for a dog. And promised you would take it on walks.
7. But knew deep down your parents would totally pick up all the poop.
8. And since you didn’t have siblings, you could get away with a lot with a simple “Well, everyone at school has seen Heathers.”
9. But you were also on 24-hour surveillance.
10. And spent a lot of time with Bob and Linda.
11. Those are your parents and you obviously referred to them by their first names because the three of you were kinda BFF.
12. In fact, sometimes on play dates you wound up just hanging with your friends’ parents because kids were just so, well, childish.
13. Kids' table? What kids' table? You were sneaking sips of Aunt Jeannine’s Chardonnay.
14. And when you did finally find your group of friends, you treated them like the siblings you never had… because what’s better than getting to choose your family?
15. But you totally binge Cheaper by the Dozen any chance you get.
16. And you never really understood what the big deal was when Kevin was left Home Alone.
17. And you dreamed of having a bunk bed…
18. To share with your ever-expanding collection of stuffed animals.
19. You might not actually be an architect, but your solo fort-building skills are damn professional.
20. And you’re never one to throw away a box. Oh, the things you can do with a box.
21. And we’ve heard a million times, “Oh, you don’t seem like an only child.”
22. Which is offensive only because of all the other millions of times we’ve heard, “Oh yeah, I can see that.”
23. And we’re not all constantly seeking attention, but you better still be reading this.