32 Classic Christmas Foods, Ranked from Ho-Ho-Horrible to Fa-La-La-Fabulous

Less like cake, more like a doorstop.

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TBH, we want nothing to do with a dome-shaped dessert that doesn't ooze molten chocolate.

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We can't afford to crack our teeth on these—too many better things to eat.

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Listen, we have nothing against greens here and there. But on Christmas? What is this, amateur hour?

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Unacceptable for those between the ages of 11 months and 97 years.

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Fun fact: "Mincemeat" isn't meat at all, but a mix of dried fruits and spices. Fun fact aside, we're not chomping at the bit to taste this British delicacy.

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It's cookie season. And these are definitely *not* cookies.

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Of all the holiday flavors to infuse cookies and yogurt and keto protein bars with, you chose eggnog? Nice try, supermarket.

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PSA: Yams and sweet potatoes are not the same.

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Two things we should all get over: these and crystal-cut bowls. The only way we're even looking at mixed nuts on Christmas is if they're on a cheese board.

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Sure, it's basically just chocolate spongecake. But it's not doing itself any favors with that name.

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Festive, but an acquired taste. We'll give credit where credit is due: Booze helps.

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Unless it’s bark-ified, they're more of a decorative obligation than anything.

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The most polarizing of all the meats. We’re gonna give it a solid ehhh.

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Satisfactory, but way overplayed. (They are pretty darn cute, though.)

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Fair pick, but a little redundant so soon after Thanksgiving.

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See above.

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It's better than homemade. (There, we said it.) But we're still not sure if we really love cranberry sauce…or just the nostalgia of it.

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Oops, we ate the doorknob. And the shingles...

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Like that actress who always plays the best friend whose name you can never remember: lovable and reliable.

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Eggnog's coconut-y (and far superior) cousin. Bring on the spiced rum, amigas.

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Fried onions from a can never cease to delight (even if we eat them for an entire month straight).

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Crackers? Classic. Apples? Great. Baked with pomegranate arils? Heck yes. Old tires? We’d try it.

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Oh, you fancy, huh?

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Gooey filling, flaky pie crust and sugared nuts—so worth the future cavities.

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Turkey who? Sorry, we were distracted by this tender main's herb-crusted exterior. It never fails to impress (and it's way less fussy than a whole bird).

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Chocolate, vanilla, caramel. We're not picky when it comes to this decadent dessert.

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Dare we say gravy is almost tastier than what goes underneath it?

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It's sweet, creamy, comforting and tastes like childhood. Pass the sugar cookies so we can get to dunking.

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Potatoes cooked in fat for hours. 'Nuff said.

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Yeah, we ranked potatoes back to back. Deal with it.

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Give us the peppermint tree. In fact, give us the whole damn forest. Bow down to the reigning king.

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