26 Things Only Dog Owners Understand
Man’s best everything
The day you brought Buddy home still feels like yesterday. And you’ve probably documented every moment of his life--from tiny fledgling puppy to full-grown dog who finally learned to pee outside. Well, most of the time. Ahead: that and 25 other things only dog owners can relate to.
1. That there is no spooning sleeping companion like a dog.
2. Even if Cooper is somehow stretched out perpendicularly, taking up half the bed.
3. Alarm clock? We haven’t slept past 6 a.m. in years.
4. Your morning dog-walking crew is basically the Breakfast Club of your block.
5. And thank God--because you just ran out of poop bags.
6. There is no joy like seeing Izzie tilt her head and stare deep into your soul, lovingly.
7. OK fine… maybe it’s because you’ve got bacon in your hands.
8. The subsequent realization that you are literally the master of the universe because you are the gatekeeper of food.
9. And that this “bang bang, stick 'em up” routine is your life’s single greatest accomplishment.
13. Two words: lobster costumes.
14. Three words: Halloween parade winner.
15. Ten words: Bella is the most popular girl in the dog park.
16. Oh, and that little scuffle? That other dog started it. Obviously.
17. Because she is usually perfect--just maybe a little thrown off by a visit to the groomer.
18. On that note: You’re never grooming her yourself again after last time.
19. Because dear Lord, your bathtub...
20. It’s enough that you don’t even bat an eye at a territorial leg hike on your fiddle-leaf fig tree.
21. Or that cleaning up pillow stuffing has become second nature.
22. Or that you have to baby-proof your closet door for the rest of your foreseeable future.
23. But it’s made all the more worth it by the greeting Oakley gives you after you’re gone for 30 seconds to grab the mail.
24. OK, maybe you’ll step outside again just for kicks.
25. That the phrase “gotta run home to take out the dog” is secret code for “I really just want to watch The Bachelor alone in peace” and has relieved you from many a social situation you’d just really rather avoid.
26. And the fact that that’s a perfectly worthy excuse for getting a dog in the first place: to cuddle up next to you on the couch…even if you’re still holding that plate of bacon.