Remember that mentally unbalanced neighbor from your childhood who gave out such terrible candy that by fourth grade, you didn’t even bother with her house anymore and basically avoided eye contact from August through November? Don’t be that woman. To ensure you’re giving out the good stuff, we’ve carefully ranked every single Halloween candy, from best to worst. You’re welcome.
All the Halloween Candies, Ranked from Best to Worst
1. Reese’s (any and all iterations)
Salty, sweet and color-coordinated to the holiday. Disagree? Come at us.
2. Kit Kat
Break us off a piece of that.
3. Sour Patch Kids
Would we coat our lives in the sugary dust that settles at the bottom of the bag? The answer isn't no.
Universally satisfying—the Sandra Bullock of candies, if you will.
Onomatopoeic chocolate is the best chocolate.
To be opened and arranged by color on the floor. (Reds eaten last.)
To be traded for red M&Ms.
To be hoarded and turned into dip.
13. Starburst (pinks and reds)
Bonus points for how expertly each one is wrapped.
Good. But docked points for tooth stickage.
Good. But docked points for squirting caramel down your chin, every single time.
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16. Original Tootsie Roll
Not too chocolaty, not too memorable.
17. Flavored Tootsie Roll
18. Baby Ruth
Great baseball player? Yes. Great candy? Not so much.
19. 3 Musketeers
“Mmm, I want to eat literal air,” said no one ever.
20. Almond Joy
21. Hard Candy (except Jolly Ranchers)
It’s 2017, Grandma.
22. Licorice (except Twizzlers)
Laying the foundation for root canals since 1945.
24. Gum (specifically Bazooka)
Five good seconds followed by disappointment.
25. Take 5
Trying so so hard—the Anne Hathaway of candies.
26. Starburst (oranges and yellows)
How could something so deeply unsatisfying share a package with reds and pinks?
27. Ghost Peeps
Gross at Easter, worse at Halloween.
Had we wanted to eat chalk, we would’ve done so when our kindergarten teacher wasn’t looking.
29. Sugar Babies
Congratulations. You trick-or-treated at the actual devil’s house and made it out alive.