10 Things You *Might* Want to Avoid If You’re a Mom on Social Media

If you are one of the 337,000 people this inspires, bless. We too have #goals including one day trying a spin class, joining a Pilates studio, deadlifting a friend or possibly walking outside. But if the dream is deferred because your “Countdown to Kindergarten” clock still reads “4 years and 3 months away,” do not, we repeat, do not compare your “body journey” with that of anyone named Kayse or Cassidy.

So he sold a novel. Big deal. Do we have brownies?

Did you really need to blow someone’s college savings by pre-ordering white silk wide-leg trousers straight from the runway?

If she looks that polished at drop-off, you know her trip to Yellowstone will just destroy you.

Nothing will make your morning Costco run feel sadder than watching this supermodel-y couple feed giraffes in Kenya.

Think hard about whether you want your phone to ping you with alerts like “Lack of sleep may cause diabetes, obesity and other diseases” or solid evidence that hot dogs cause cancer—when that’s literally all your kids have eaten for two years.

She leaned in. You’re just hoping to stand up. And that’s fine! It’s fine.

Pick your poison: Are you a working mom wishing she could babywear? A formula feeder after multiple bouts with mastitis? Did you sleep train to survive but still struggle with the guilt? To paraphrase Oprah, here’s two things we know for sure: One mom’s tip can be another mom’s torture. And someone can have all the followers without having all the answers.

The only thing worse than outfit regret is worrying you sent your three-year-old to nursery school looking basic—and wondering why, unlike #toddlebrities, SHE doesn’t have 22.5k followers.

You log on looking for afternoon activity ideas, marvel at the creative geniuses who actually make their own fantasy dragon eggs and snowstorms in a jar. Then, two hours later, yell at your kids to get off their iPads and come to dinner. Which is pizza.