Is Making a Holiday Gift Registry for Your Kid Tacky Or Tasteful? An Etiquette Expert Weighs In

Giving is great, but holiday shopping can be a source of stress—and not just financially. After all, does anyone really know what to get their nieces and nephews? I get reminders of my own kids’ wishlists every single minute of the day…but shopping for other people’s kids can be tough.

As such, some folks choose to create a registry that they can share with family and friends who want to give a gift but aren't sure what will actually bring the recipient joy. It's convenient—and a polarizing choice, which is why our editors wanted to know: Is making a holiday gift registry for your kid tacky or tasteful? I got the opinion of an etiquette expert and heard both sides of the debate from two moms with differing views.

Myka Meier is the founder of Mini Manners and Beaumont Etiquette, which was named as one of the Leading Etiquette and Protocol Schools of the World and is recognized for its excellence in social refinement and professional conduct.

One Connecticut mom of two told me she is all in favor of gift registries. “As a parent, I already have 800 toys, so I totally see the benefit of setting up a Christmas gift registry to ensure you don't receive duplicates or something you know your kid won't use or want," she says. "As a gift giver, I also think it makes shopping so much easier (and quicker). Plus, I stress less knowing it's exactly what the kid and parent wants—no hemming and hawing over a $60 LEGO set that may or may not be age appropriate." 

On the flip side, a New Jersey mom of one told me: “I gotta say, I'm not a fan! As a gift giver, it just feels a little tacky, presumptuous and takes all the fun out of finding the perfect present. As a parent, I can't fathom finding the time to sit down and scroll through endless clothes and toys (with the assumption that everyone else will pick up the bill). I wasn't a fan of creating a wedding or baby registry either (the stress!), so maybe this is a me thing, but it just feels like it'll end up being more work for mom during an already hectic season. The holidays are a time to be thoughtful—let people give as they choose!"

“A holiday registry for children can be thoughtful only when it’s handled privately and carefully."

Myka Meier, founder of Mini Manners & Beaumont Etiquette

As for me, a New York mom of two—I have never made a gift registry, but I have had a lot of back and forth with close family members about what my kids would actually like and use, what their interests are, etc. in order to provide them with some guidance and ensure that money isn’t wasted on stuff that will quickly turn into nothing more than clutter.

I can appreciate how a gift registry might be useful for babies and toddlers where the best gifts are developmental toys that can often overlap. (I mean, how many stacking cup sets can one home accommodate?) For older kids, I feel like an ideas list is more appropriate than a product registry, which feels kind of icky.

So, holiday gift registries for kids: tacky or helpful? Meier tells me that making a holiday registry for your child is perfectly acceptable, but only when done, well, tastefully.

“A holiday registry for children can be thoughtful only when it’s handled privately and carefully. In general, I recommend keeping it strictly to close family members like grandparents or immediate relatives to be helpful, and only when they specifically ask for ideas,” she says, adding that “sending a registry widely or sharing it on social media can easily feel transactional, and that takes away from the spirit of giving.”

That’s really the thrust of the debate: the tension between what’s just practical and what feels genuinely loving. For this reason, Meier strongly advises against mass distribution of a registry, as doing so might make friends who don’t have the budget or desire to gift feel pressured to do so. Similarly, distributing it to a person who hasn’t requested suggestions might also take the wind out of their sails if they had an original and truly thoughtful idea of their own. 

Some thought should also be put into what you put on the registry and what you keep off of it. “When choosing items, keep the tone gracious and realistic," Meier recommends. "A mix of price points is important, but avoid stacking the list with big-ticket items. Think of it as a helpful guide rather than a shopping expectation. The goal is to make things easier for close family members who want ideas…not to curate a wish list for everyone in your circle!”

After hearing both sides of the debate, mulling it over myself and getting some expert insight on etiquette, I think the takeaway here is that the best course of action is to find the middle ground. It’s okay to make a registry for grandparents who want to have their name on something under the tree but aren’t up to the task of choosing a gift themselves, but it’s good to keep this wishlist as private as possible and never give it to anyone who doesn’t specifically ask for it.