36 Micro Boundaries That Will Make Your Life Easier

Setting boundaries is hard. Like really hard…especially if you don’t have a system in place. Saying no and defining clear limits that protect your time and respect your own needs is much easier to do when it’s a small thing that you are very consistent about.

For example, once everyone in your office knows that you prefer not to receive emails after work hours and will only respond to them the next day, those emails will likely dwindle (provided you have a healthy, supportive work environment). But that’s just one example of a micro-boundary that will make your life easier. Read on for 36 examples of micro-boundaries that you can use in all areas, plus a thorough explanation of why this type of boundary setting can seriously improve your quality of life.

Dr. Nona Kocher, MD, MPH, is a board-certified psychiatrist dually licensed in New York and Florida. Known for her integrative approach, Dr. Kocher treats a wide range of conditions including depression, anxiety, panic disorder, ADHD, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia and schizophrenia.

The term micro-boundaries refers to a set of strategies that people use to compartmentalize their lives with small barriers that stop one area from bleeding into another. The idea is that by doing this, you can prevent burnout and give yourself an opportunity to pause and reflect before shifting gears. In other words, it’s a way of slowing yourself down and protecting yourself from making choices that aren’t good for your own well-being.

Tiny boundaries, like not answering late-night texts, thinking before you say yes, or allowing an energy-zapping call to go to voicemail, give your nervous system space to breathe.

Dr. Nona Kocher

1. Taking a few minutes alone when you get home

2. Reserving one night a week for your own interests

3. Choosing not to text during the work day

4. Asking your partner to listen without offering solutions when you’re blowing off steam

5. Choosing to handle your own finances

6. Asking your partner not to go through your belongings

7. Cutting a call short when the person on the other end starts sounding critical

8. Telling your family you’re not okay with surprise visits from relatives

9. Choosing not to respond to texts or calls immediately

10. Telling your family you’d prefer not to hear comments about your body

11. Setting clear expectations with visit lengths (i.e., “I can only visit for one hour today.”)

12. Saying that you don’t want to be involved in or even discuss any drama involving another family member

13. Guarding a little time for yourself every day, when your kids can’t disturb you (admittedly, easier said than done)

14. Refusing to answer non-urgent texts from a coparent when you’re in the middle of something

15. Requesting your children respect your physical space

16. Managing time and routines consistently. (ex: "We agreed to only have 30 minutes of TV time, so I’m turning it off now.")

17. Telling your child that you want to hear what they have to say, but only when they can tell you in a calm voice

18. Physically moving to a quiet space when you (or your child) get too upset

19. Not checking notifications after a certain hour

20. Responding to emails only when it’s a convenient time for you

21. Asking your coworkers to communicate via email only, not text

22. Turning down a lunch invitation from a colleague when you would like to spend your lunch break alone

23. Stepping away from your desk to do breathing exercises when you feel overwhelmed

24. Openly communicating that you have too much on your plate to take on additional tasks when asked

25. Silencing group chats when replying would take you away from what you’re trying to pay attention to.

26. Conveying to friends when you need a night off from socializing.

27. Telling your friends when you are interested in getting together, but that you have a budget you need to stick to when going out (if you're trying to be mindful of your expenses)

28. Telling a friend that you are not up for deep talks or long phone calls at a certain time

29. Asking friends not to tag you in photos without your permission

30. Telling friends that you aren’t comfortable lending money, but are happy to help in other ways

31. Declining to answer personal questions. Being courteous is sufficient

32. Saying “I can’t talk right now” when a stranger tries to strike up a conversation with you

33. Asking someone to please give you a little more room when your physical space is invaded

34. Responding to cat-callers with silence

35. Refusing hugs or other forms of unsolicited physical touch

36. Telling a stranger that you have a situation handled when they offer unsolicited advice