25 Things You Won’t Understand Unless You’re from New England
Like trips to the packie...and Tom Brady
Calling all New Englanders: Our neck of the woods is wicked awesome. (Go Sox!) So what if the rest of the country doesn’t always understand our pride? Here, 25 truths that never fail to make us oh so very proud.
1. First things first, let’s get the lingo down: A “sub” is a grinder, a “round-about” is a rotary, and a “milkshake” is a frappe.
2. Fact: We’d never ever “Pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd,” because, duh, we’d be towed faster than you can say Mahk Zahckerberg.
3. Another fact: Tom Brady did not deflate those footballs.
4. It’s easy to spot us since our bumper stickers are stamped with our New England pride (hello, “ACK,” “VT” or “ME”).
5. And you can call us “Massholes” all you want, but if you had to navigate the Big Dig for ten-plus goddamn years, you’d be an aggressive driver, too.
6. We buy our booze at the packie (or over the border at the New Hampshire liquor outlets where it’s cheap as hell and tax-free).
7. Heck, we buy almost everything we can over the border in New Hampshire.
8. We know that the L.L. Bean flagship in Freeport, Maine, is more than just a place to buy boots--it's a place to see taxidermy, make a wish at the Trout Pond and stock up on fisherman sweaters.
9. Whenever someone suggests bowling, we always clarify: Candlepin or tenpin?
10. Whenever someone suggests buying a couch, we always clarify: Jordan’s Furniture or Bernie & Phyl’s?
11. Our PSA (with love) to the leaf-peepers: It’s foliage. Get over it.
12. Our favorite school field trips were to Old Sturbridge Village and Plimouth Plantation.
13. Plus, come on, there’s a reason we’re all geniuses: Six states…more than 50 colleges. You do the math.
14. Winter vacations were spent on ski trips to Mount Sunapee, Killington or Loon.
15. Summer vacations were spent debating the best beaches (we’re team Nantucket over here).
16. New England clam chowdah is the only chowder. Period.
17. Maine lobster rolls are the only lobster rolls. Period.
18. Starbucks who? Dunkin' Donuts is our life.
19. And sports (the Sox, the Pats, the Celtics and the Bruins) are more than just “a game.”
20. PS: We remember exactly where we were when the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004. (PPS: It was Tommy McKenna’s couch… and he may or may not have French kissed us in excitement.)
21. We don't trust weathermen.
22. We splurge on generators.
23. But come on, less than a foot of snow is a flurry, people.
24. Kate Middleton doesn’t hold a candle to the Kennedys (our own Royal family).
25. And when Matt Damon said, “How do you like them apples?” we’d never been so proud.