8 Hilarious-yet-True Lessons We Learned from Our New Favorite Book About Motherhood
With a handful of munchkins hanging all over you 24/7, how’s a modern mom supposed to get her mojo back? That’s the question Lyss Stern delves into in her new book, Motherhood Is a B#tch!: 10 Steps to Regaining Your Sanity, Sexiness, and Inner Diva.
With heart, humor and a spine of steel, Stern implores us to abandon the perfect mom myth (nobody has it all together, she promises), to trust yourself and, well, to be a b#tch when you need to be. (A welcome reminder for any mom trying to make it to bedtime without throwing a tantrum herself.) Below, our favorite lessons for tackling motherhood unapologetically.
You Can’t Do It Alone, and You Shouldn’t Have To
“Help. Ask for it. Demand it. Hire it...For God’s sake, get yourself an extra pair of hands. If you can’t afford a sitter or nanny, then ask your relatives and/or neighbors to pitch in. Get over the whole I-can-do-it-all-by-myself crap…. Martyrdom is not flattering on anyone.“
Grandparents Are the Key to Keeping Your Sanity
“They want to spoil the little darlings rotten—let them. I mean it...If they want to serve them soda and ice cream for breakfast, I’m cool with it. Stay up all night watching TV? Be my guest! Let your children think Gram and Gramps are way more fun than you are (they’ll want to go back next week).”
Simply Trying to Make Better Choices Is Reason Enough to Celebrate
“It’s easy to find a million reasons to practice self-loathing, but b*tches don’t belittle themselves. You are taking positive steps and making healthy choices—that’s enough of a reason to hold your head up high. Hopefully your boobs will take the hint and head in the same direction!”
Kid Food Is Kid Food (and You Shouldn’t Be Eating It)
“Your job description as a mom does not include eating scraps of food leftover from your children’s meals. You’re not a garbage disposal. You’re a dignified woman, treat yourself like one: leave scraps of chicken nuggets to the actual garbage disposal and serve yourself a real meal.”
Don’t Dress in Tents and Muumuus (Get A Tailor Instead)
“Fit flawlessly. If it bags, buckles, billows—say buh-bye. If something doesn’t fit you to perfection, find yourself a good tailor. It’s worth every penny to have something custom fit to your body.”
Heels Are a Mommy Power Suit
“I think of [high heels] more as a mental exercise. When you wear heels, you walk taller, literally and figuratively. It’s kind of hard for me to be a bitch wearing a ballet flat."
A Little Well-Intentioned Manipulation Never Hurt Anyone
“I am the queen of reverse psychology (“No, Jax, you don’t have to study for your math test. You can just flunk it”), and scary stories (“When mommy was a little girl, I had a friend who never brushed her teeth and they all fell out”). A little mean? Maybe. Effective? One hundred percent!”
Morning Sex Can Save Your Marriage
“According to WebMD...50 percent of couples skip sex because they’re too tired...You may need to try sex in the a.m., after a nap, or when the kids are at baseball practice. If it’s important to you (and it should be), fit it into your schedule earlier in the day.”