Whether you’ve been married for 23 years or you’re swiping left (and right every so often) on the latest dating app, you know that relationships are really, really hard. Enter New York City matchmaker Emily Holmes Hahn, with her picks for books that teach us how to find and be happier in our relationships. (Spoiler: The biggest trick is to know thyself.) 

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date book love

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

According to relationship guru Dr. Chapman, people experience love in five different ways: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts and acts of service. Understanding each other’s language can be seriously sanity saving. And even if you’re not in a relationship, it’s good to know what you need in order to feel loved. (Side note, this book is basically considered required reading for matchmakers.) 

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date book attached

Attached by RACHEL HELLER & DR. AMIR LEVINE

Once you pinpoint your love language, it’s time to figure out your “attachment style.” This book is filled with interactive questionnaires and detailed case studies to help readers figure out what their level of dependency is (Secure? Anxious? Avoidant?), what they should look for in a partner and how to sustain love in their relationships. 

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date book modern

Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg

If you’ve ever had a bad experience with digital-age dating, you’ll feel better almost as soon as you pick up this book up. Not only will it make you laugh, but it also provides an insightful, raw and honest examination on modern dating with anecdotes and real-deal social science. It’s empowering to know that you’re not the only one struggling in a post-Facebook dating world—Ansari is right there with you. 

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date book sex

Sex, Love, and Dharma: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Relationships by Simon Chokoisky

If you want to bring some positive relationship karma and practice into your day to day, this one’s for you. With self-tests and insights, you’ll get a guru’s worth of lessons based on astrology, Ayurveda and dharma type—aka your personality and spiritual purpose archetype (add that to the list of things you need to learn about yourself). 

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