“My fiancé has had the same friend group since childhood, and they all share the same cultural background. It’s great that they have one another for support, but lately he’s been staying out extremely late with them. He goes out on Sunday evenings, often coming home at 3 or 4 a.m. His schedule for work is flexible, but mine is set in stone, and his late nights mean we can’t commute together in the morning, which is important to me. When he’s with his friends, I see so little of him, and I end up hating these guys as a result. What can I do? I feel like he’s choosing to see his friends over me, which seems like a serious rejection.”
People are busy these days, and I totally understand that two working adults might have weeks where there’s less time to connect. But if you’re regularly missing out on emotional intimacy, then that’s cause for concern.
With any fight that’s recurring, the issue needs to be addressed in a new way. My guess is that, since it’s a weekly fight, this volcano is erupting right when it’s fresh. And while I understand the instinct to pounce the instant he walks through the door, it’s probably not the best time to have this conversation. Wait until your emotions are in check so you come in with a vulnerable spirit and not a combative one.
There are also two separate issues in play here. Number one, you aren’t getting enough time with him to feel closely and intimately connected. Number two, you’re questioning if he is truly committed and wants to be with you, and if you’re headed for a good marriage.