What Is Sexual Meditation?
"Sexual meditation is the practice of being completely present and attuned to yourself, your partner and to the third body you create together when you are coupled,” Mason explains. “By bringing profound awareness to our most intimate moments, our pleasure deepens, and it can even lead to what we might call a spiritual experience of sex.” Basically, sexual meditation is about staying focused and present while having sex with a partner or masturbating, in the hopes that by doing so, you’ll feel more connected not only to your partner (if one is present), but to your own body and mind.
How Do You Practice Sexual Meditation?
First things first: Mason tells us that, like with other forms of meditation, it can be tough to get the hang of at first. She explains, “We always begin a sexual meditation with clear intentions.” If you’re meditating before a solo session, she gives the example of the intention, ‘I intend to be fully accepting of my experience, moment by moment, as I touch my own body sexually.’
With a partner, it helps to get on the same page by asking logistical questions like how much time you have and deeper ones like what your expectations are for the kind of sexual experience you want. “Sometimes we focus solely giving or receiving pleasure in one direction, and sometimes it's a mutual exchange,” she notes. “Each session can be different.”
Once your intentions are clear, Mason says to start by practicing presence by taking deeper, slower breaths, observing how your body, mind and emotions feel. “Then, when we're settled in together, we might talk for a few minutes, appreciating something about each other, and beginning to touch each other.” Whatever sensual or sexual practice you’re choosing, she explains that the key to making it a meditation is to “keep breathing, stay in the body, stay with the experience you are having.”
One important thing to note: Mason tells us that for folks who have experienced any kind of sexual trauma, going slow and focusing on the different sensations involved in sex can be triggering. “You might feel anger. You might want to pull away. Just slow down even more, and keep coming back to the moment. Keep your partner with you.”
The beauty of sexual meditation is that, like in a mindfulness practice, you don’t need to be any kind of expert to try it; it’s really just about training yourself to stay present and keep your mind from wandering so you’re better able to feel—and enjoy—what’s going on. That being said, it’s totally fine (and normal) if your mind does wander—especially if you’re new to any kind of meditation practice. Mason explains, “With sexual meditation, we are developing the subtle capacity to stay present and allow more nuanced experiences to bloom into their own richness and intensity, which is very heart expanding and tender,” adding that if you do notice your mind start to think about your grocery list or your weekend plans, “don't worry, just keep coming back to the moment.”
If you really struggle to focus and are getting frustrated with being in charge of your own mindfulness, you might want to go the guided meditation route, whether that’s via a YouTube video like this one or an app like Guided by Glow, which allows users to explore sexual meditation and sensual inspiration in guided audio sessions.
Whichever method you choose, sexual meditation can be a rewarding way to connect with yourself and your partner on a sexual level, sure, but also in a deeper, more profound way.