The Bartesian Cocktail Machine Is Like a Nespresso Machine, but for Cocktails

When the machine arrived, we were immediately struck by how easy it was to set up. After filling each of the four glass liter bottles with their designated alcohol, and filling the back of the machine with water to its designated fill level, it was time for the main event: picking a cocktail pod. 

We decided to christen our Bartesian with an old-fashioned, so we popped in the old-fashioned cocktail pod, selected “regular” strength and hit “mix.” About 30 seconds later, it was ready to sip. It wasn’t watered down or syrupy sweet, as we’d feared something coming from a pod would be. “There’s a strong whiskey flavor on the front that’s tempered by a hint of orange—honestly, this could rival something you’d spend $14 on at a midtown bar,” confirmed our executive editor, Candace.

A couple of sex on the beaches, a Long Island iced tea and a few whiskey sours later, we were not disappointed (and work had effectively ceased for the day, lest we follow the “write drunk, edit sober” advice often misattributed to Hemingway). The machine seemed to mix the most balanced drinks when we selected the “strong” setting, and we’d definitely recommend putting a towel down in front to avoid any stickiness, as the machine tended to sputter occasionally, dripping alcohol on the countertop, but other than that, we had no issues with it.

Impressing your guests with a cool new gadget and not having to man the bar all night? Sounds like a win-win to us.