There comes a time in every woman’s life when she needs to fill out her first sex party application. OK, maybe not every woman, but most women. OK, maybe not most women, but some women. OK fine. This woman. I am the woman. I’m Gabby Cicero and this was my very real response to my first sex party application question: ’What are you looking for?’
I’m three years single. I took a break from relationships to heal and discover parts of myself that were in need of care. I could not have done that in a relationship, but I am now feeling like the wind is back in my sails and I want to explore again and have fun.
Like all epic tales, I have to provide a bit of backstory for context. The fact that I write about sex is proof that the universe has a sense of humor. I grew up around the classic Italian American style of repressed sexuality, traditional gender roles and regulations and the feeling that my body was a problem that had to be solved. Over the course of my adolescence into my adulthood, I struggled with bulimia, sexual orientation confusion (how gay is gay?) and a general sense that my sexuality was something I needed to present perfectly as to avoid any kind of confusion or confrontation with myself or anyone else.
I really just wanted my sexuality to be a simple thing rather than the beautifully varied and ever evolving phenomenon that it is. Of course, the desire to be a perfect little angel became incredibly exhausting and the undoing of that whole desire took lots of time, therapy (EMDR being the most effective) and self-respect to get to a point where I could imperfectly do whatever the hell I want with my body for the sake of joy and to stop being co-dependently attached to what everyone else might think about my life and choices. Phew! OK. Cut to: The Sex Party.