My New Year's Resolution Was to Stop Cheating on My Boyfriend—Here's How It's Going

After being sick with the flu for a week, I was looking forward to having hot and steamy sex with my boyfriend. I even shaved my legs for the O-ccasion. When the time came, it started out passionate, but less than five minutes later, he “finished” and was lying on top of me, dead weight and all. And I couldn’t help but wonder, why the heck did I stop cheating?

Last spring, when my boyfriend (“Bob”) and I were going through a tough time, I cheated on him with a guy who was all about the fun. At the time, Bob and I had been dating awhile, but we had barely cracked the surface. And, just to be clear, that’s NOT me saying that he deserved it (he didn’t), but from my point of view, we hadn’t reached any milestones. We were barely seeing each other (I’m talking maybe eight times a month), our sex life was mediocre (usually quick and unsatisfying), and we’d never said “I love you.” I was one miscommunication away from losing it and walking out.

But then, our slow-burn relationship finally started to pick up. We were starting to feel like a real couple. I barely had a day to myself because we were suddenly attached at the hip! But I still made time for some secret rendezvous. Not because I wasn't happy with Bob, but because there were things that I was still holding on to, like going to the club on the weekend and having extra-long sex as many times as possible in a day. But then I started thinking, was the club and longer sex worth it? Like, was I really willing to trade my boyfriend for a night out on the town with someone I didn’t even want to be with? The answer is no. So, on New Year's, I vowed to myself that I would stop cheating. I didn’t want to lose him. But that doesn't mean it hasn't been hard.

See, when I was cheating, I didn’t notice a lot of things about Bob. Faithful me, however, sees everything—the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and that's something that I'm still getting used to. Like, guys, no one talks about this, but it's kinda hard going from being single, answering to no one and doing li-ter-ally whatever you want to being in a relationship, having rules and accepting the person for who they are, flaws and all. And while I wouldn’t change the timeline—or my past actions, as bad as they sound—because that’s what brought us to this point, I am happily keeping up my New Year’s resolution. Life will never be perfect. Bob will never be perfect. And our relationship will never be perfect. However, instead of being impulsive, trying to gain control and acting on it like I used to, I remind myself how far Bob and I have come and how far we could go.

Because if there's anything I've learned from being in this relationship, it's that things take time. So, while I wish my boyfriend could last for more than five minutes in bed ASAP, I'm confident that he'll meet my sex-pectations eventually with my highly encouraging yet low-pressure push. Heck, I've already begun the process and have seen a major improvement in the bedroom this week, so no way am I cheating!