Perfecting the art of the argument is easier said than done, right? I’ll admit when it comes to fighting fair with my partner of five years, I’m not the best at keeping my cool. After all, intimacy means we’re experts at pushing each other’s buttons as we strive to reach a resolution. And by “resolution” I mean that one of us (me) emerges victorious as we go head-to-head dissecting even the most minor grievance or communication fail.
But that’s the problem, according to William Schroeder, co-owner and counselor at Just Mind, LLC. In a fight with your spouse, anointing a winner should never be the goal. “The downfall that traps a lot of couples is focusing on winning an argument as opposed to progressing,” he explains. “The goal in an argument isn’t to out-logic one another. You have to drop your armor and sword and approach each other with vulnerability, which can be very uncomfortable.”
So, is there a blueprint for a fight that’s fair with your spouse? Yes. And per Erin Wiley, a marriage counselor and executive director of The Willow Center, just like with any skill, practice makes perfect.