Whether it’s a new beau, someone you’ve been going steady with for a year or a reignited flame, the situation is this: You got invited to a wedding, but your significant other did not. What’s a gal to do?!
A. Cry to your roommate
B. Call the bride-to-be and demand she invite three-dates-in-a-row Roger
C. Whine to all your friends in your group chat about how much of a bridezilla she’s being
D. Ask everyone you know if they think it’s possibly related to the bride’s “money issues”
E. Post an Instagram of you and your S.O., hoping the bride will magically get the hint
F. Do nothing
Turns out, there’s a correct answer. According to etiquette expert Myka Meier, it’s answer F.
“If your S.O. does not get an invitation, as frustrating as it may be, I advise not to ask to bring them, because it may put the couple in a hard place due to budget or even space restrictions,” Meier advised.
Yep, you can whine and cry and pout in the group text all you want, but at the end of the day, it’s a choice the bride and groom consciously made. And while a friend’s wedding can be a glorious coming-out party for your new relationship, try to remember, the decision is most likely not about you. A negative plus-one doesn’t mean the bride thinks you’re dating the wrong people. It probably just means the bride has 31 first cousins and lots of aunts and uncles to appease.
So, don’t ask to for a plus-one; don’t beg on Roger’s behalf; and do not passively aggressively insinuate that this choice reflects badly on the bride, for goodness' sake, because so often, a wedding is a precarious family balancing act with a lot more going on under the surface—and lot more people to please (aka, the folks footing the bill)—than you can probably tell. Asking the couple may put them in a stressful position, especially if they’ve already had to tell someone else no.
Oh, and note to self: Unless the invite specifically says, “and guest,” you should assume that the only people invited are the ones named on the envelope. It’s not an oversight. The bride and groom have spent months poring over the painstaking details (hello, seating arrangements). They are well aware that the fire department will shut down the party if they’re one body over the 200-person occupancy.
And if none of this resonates with you, here’s this: If you’re not comfortable going to this person’s wedding solo, you shouldn’t go at all. The comfort factor tends to demonstrate how close you are with the person(s) getting married. No date? No sweat…if you’re childhood BFFs, close coworkers or college besties. And if you can’t see yourself breaking it down on the dance floor with just friends, it’s probably best to sit this one out.
Oh, don’t mind us. We’ll just be, oh oh, dancin’ with a-myself.