In a recent post to Instagram, Oster says, “the cornerstone structure in my family comes down to two weekly emails.” No fancy apps, no lengthy IRL conversations. Rather, she and her husband spend about 30 minutes a week, by her own estimation, distilling family logistics into two sends that lay everything out on the table. “It’s the most important way we make things work and avoid conflict,” she writes.
Emily is a data scientist—and not just any data scientist. She’s consistently a voice of reason when it comes to assessing the range of stressors hurled at parents—from co-sleeping to time outs. If she’s shouting from the rooftops about an organizational system that actually works for her busy fam, I had to know more.
Here’s the nitty gritty: Oster kicks off message #1. “The first email is from me,” she reports on her ParentData website. “It comes on the weekend and it goes to everyone—[her husband] Jesse, the kids, and our nanny, Clare. In this email, I literally list the days of the week and any notes about them.”
Her example:
Monday
• Normal school day for kids. I’ll be home by 5 for veggies [Editor’s note: We try to eat veggies together at 5, so that people eat some vegetables]. Dinner is chicken and rice—Clare, can you set up the rice? I can do the rest.
Oster lists out the rest of the weekdays (up through Friday) from there. She includes questions for her husband, the kids, her nanny (such as the rice-related Q). “The expectation with this email is that everyone will read it and reply with questions, answers to my questions or other edits,” she says. (She also notes that things get more complicated with the addition of doctor’s appointments or work travel—anything out of the normal routine.)
As for email #2? This one is handled by her husband and pertains specifically to the weekend. He sends this email out every Wednesday and, in it, he proposes a weekend schedule and a similar back and forth ensues. “The value here is in part making sure we hit all the things we want for the weekend: he gets some alone time one morning, I get my run time, we get some time together with the kids, etc.”
The main goal for both sends is clarity, punctuated by natural conversation. What starts out as an info dump easily allows for back-and-forth with added input and questions, leading to a clear and concise look at the week before the pressure to actually execute dinner or orchestrate a carpool is on.
“It’s a deliberate way to make sure we craft a schedule that makes everyone happy and avoids, say, the conflict that would come if I woke up and announced without warning that I’d be leaving for three hours Sunday morning to do my long run,” Oster explains.
As a self-identified planner and time-blocker, I couldn’t wait to put this system to the test. So I ran it by my saint of a husband…and he was game!
Here’s an excerpt from what I sent him for my first Saturday morning effort.
Monday [Matt at Office; Rachel WFH]
Drop Off: Matt (Both Kids)
After-School: Pokémon Club at 3:30 [pick up handled by the club]
Pick Up: Rachel (Both Kids)
Dinner: Leftovers + Roasted Vegetables [Note to Matt: Can you pick up produce at Farmer’s Market by work?]
Evening Plan: Rachel at Krisse’s to Play Mahjong
The weekend send—which Matt handled on Wednesday—was even more helpful if I’m being honest, since he clearly outlined that we had Nolan’s birthday on Saturday afternoon and friends coming over for dinner that same night. That’s when we realized one snafu: We needed to grocery shop in the AM in order to have time to prep the food.
We often argue about just this: Careening through our days without ample time to anticipate, which leaves us sorting logistics in real time. But since we both live and breathe by our inboxes, we were able to sort things out well in advance, with less emotion attached. For example, verbalizing my own solo needs for the weekend can carry guilt; typing it out feels easier. It also gives a bird’s eye view of all the goals without anyone feeling surprised.
One caveat to Oster’s approach: Her kids are 15 and 11. Mine are 8 and 2. They’re not getting CCed on any emails.
Ultimately, the value really comes down to constructive and intentional communication. Per Oster, “If we deal with things in a cool moment when there is time to plan, it is just much better.”
