From ‘Personal Curriculums’ to ‘The Great Lock-In’—Why TikTok Trends Suck for Moms

If you’ve spent any time on TikTok lately, you already know that fall is rife with opportunities for self-improvement. In theory, I’m all for it.

The two most pervasive are “Personal curriculums” (create your own monthly self-guided plan to better yourself) and the “Great Lock-in” (we should all be locking in on how to improve ourselves from now through December), and they’re both trends that prioritize curiosity and joy without the pressure. If you’ve been dying to learn photography, why not take the month of November to create a schedule, build out a syllabus and finally dig in on a topic that will leave you fulfilled?

On social media, these trends get flack for being performative; but to me, they seem organized, intentional and empowering. Personal development is inspiring and I have a mile-long list of books I want to read and learning I want to do.

There’s just one problem: Motherhood.

Of course I have goals and hobbies (who doesn’t?). But as a mom, these TikTok trends scream of pressure and privilege at a time of year that already feels like our Everest. After all, who has time to develop a personal curriculum or “lock in” on growth-centered achievements when you’ve got Halloween costumes to order and Thanksgiving side dishes to delegate?

Don’t get me wrong: I watch these social media videos with a deep-rooted longing to ritualize my goals. But the thought of a beautifully color-coded calendar I can’t use because my kid is sick or the schools are closed is…depressing. Add to that the guilt I’d feel every time an hour that was supposed to be mine, all mine, gets canceled in favor of everyone else’s needs.

I’m not alone here. In recent weeks, I’ve noticed many moms sounding off in the form of audible eye-rolls. My favorite response came from one of my most beloved Substackers, Hitha Palepu. “I don’t need to lock in, I need to lie down,” she headlined a recent newsletter, before going on to describe the many obstacles she was up against that particular week—her kids’ two days off from school, a challenging work project—that prevented her from even being able to think about self-improvement.

Another parent-friend retorted half-jokingly when I told her about these TikTok trends: “Can my ‘personal curriculum’ be to create a syllabus for how to feel like a less overwhelmed parent between now and New Year’s?”

My plan? To lower the temperature while still embracing the spirit of the trends.

I’ve always been a fan of happiness guru Gretchen Rubin’s 15-minute rule. It’s the idea that, for tasks you are struggling to focus on or complete, you should try setting a timer for 15 minutes of distraction-proof focus. You get some much-needed self-betterment. Your entire life doesn’t get up-ended.

Hey, if I only get to read a single chapter of The Husbands, that feels like progress. Even if I don’t post about it on TikTok.