Since March, we’ve been spending a whole lot of time in the same space with the same people—and spending lots of energy to make sure everyone’s needs are accounted for. Between remote learning, meal prep and work, you’re barely treading water, let alone thinking about “me-time.” Hell, you might even feel like even Rumpelstiltskin the dachshund is being pampered more than you are, between all those long walks, lengthy petting sessions and endless supply of treats.
While all this giving is selfless and admirable, there’s also a downside to it. It’s called “de-selfing,” (the term originated in Harriet Lerner’s The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide To Changing The Patterns of Intimate Relationships—a fabulous read), and it’s harmful not only to your psyche, but also to your relationships. To help us grasp the gravity of de-selfing and how it affects us in quarantine, we asked Dr. Paula Wilbourne, clinical psychologist, co-founder and Chief Scientific Officer of Sibly, to help us understand the phenomenon and how to overcome it.