Every December, the same scene plays out. You walk into a holiday gathering with the intention of drinking eggnog and minding your business…until you’re suddenly fielding a full press junket about your relationship status. Your great-aunt wants to know if you’re seeing anyone. Your cousin wants to ensure you’ll still have a plus-one for her wedding in April. Even your nosy aunt’s sister feels entitled to your reproductive timeline (festive!).
So, instead of spiraling, I built a flowchart for anyone dreading this line of questioning—whether you're single, taken, “it’s complicated,” all of the above. Start at the top, follow the arrows and pick your response style as you go: Polite, Cheeky or Lethal.
Whether you’re trying to keep the peace, crack a joke or shut it down with a cut to the jugular, this is your choose-your-own survival guide for the holiday inquisition.
