It’s no secret that cheese is the best food in the history of the universe, but not all cheeses are created equal. Some are life-changing (oh hey, fresh mozzarella) while others are lame (ahem, cottage cheese). So we decided to make a definitive ranking of 34 kinds.

RELATED: The 15 Most Delicious Things You Can Do with Brie

american1
Twenty20

34. American

Makes a passable grilled cheese if you’re at a diner and it’s 4 a.m. That’s about it.

RELATED: Skip the Butter and Use This on Your Grilled Cheese Instead

cottagecheese
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33. Cottage Cheese

Huh? We were so bored we fell asleep.

limburger

32. Limburger

Call us crazy, but we don’t want our charcuterie board smelling like feet.

camembert

31. Camembert

…Or ammonia.

stilton

30. Stilton

…Or an old gym bag.

gorgonzola

29. Gorgonzola

Fine, we’ll eat it on a salad if there’s no feta.

swiss

28. Swiss

We can eat twice as much because of the holes, right?

humboldbtfig

27. Humboldt Fog

Don’t worry: It smells worse than it tastes.

roquefort

26. Roquefort

Amazing in small doses.

creamcheese
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25. Cream Cheese

If it’s slathered on a bagel, we’re in.

RELATED: The Best Damn Bagels in NYC, Ranked

parmessean
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24. Parmesan

On every bowl of pasta forever, please.

ricotta

23. Ricotta

On its own, yawn. In lasagna? YEP.

marscapone

22. MASCARPONE

Ditto, but with cannoli.

gouda

21. Gouda

Ehh. We’ll eat it on a cheese plate, but we’re not staying up all night thinking about it.

feta

20. Feta

With watermelon? Yes, please.

RELATED: Grilled Watermelon Feta Skewers

monterey

19. Monterey Jack

Making all of our quesadilla dreams come true.

meunster

18. Muenster

We’re suckers for those little red edges.

chevre

17. Chèvre

Goat cheese instantly makes everything fancy.

havarti

16. Havarti

Dill is optional (but highly recommended).

tallegio

15. Taleggio

Fontina’s smoother (but slightly smellier) sister.

colby

14. Colby

When you can’t decide between Swiss and cheddar. #Cheeseproblems.

provelone

13. Provolone

On every sandwich for the rest of our lives, please.

gruyere

12. Gruyère

The tasty star of our fondue parties.

pecorino

11. Pecorino Romano

You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten cacio e pepe smothered with Pecorino Romano. You just haven’t.

fontina

10. Fontina

Mmm, the meltiest.

grana

9. Grana Padano

It’s Parmesan’s super-classy cousin.

jarlsburg

8. Jarlsberg

Like Swiss, but a million times more flavorful.

brie1
cotjia
Twenty20

6. Cotija

Más tacos, por favor.

asiago

5. Asiago

Melt it, eat it cold, shred it on bread and bake it…this cheese is basically perfect.

manchego

4. Manchego

Slice it thin and pair it with fruit--it’s pretty much the best summer snack ever.

chedar
Twenty20

3. Cheddar

The sharper the better. Especially on BECs.

mozz

2. Mozzarella

Somewhere between slice two and slice three is our happy place.

burrata

1. Burrata

Hands down, the best food in the universe. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some night cheese to work on.

RELATED: The 15 Most Mouthwatering Ways to Eat Burrata

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