In Defense of the Mom Whose Toddler Got the Flight Canceled

Every single time I fly with my kids (now ages 8 and 2), I stress about the protocols. What if they throw a tantrum in the security line? What if they need to pee when we’re stuck on the tarmac, but aren’t allowed to get up? What if they simply refuse to get in their car seat or buckle up when the pilot requires it?

For the parent traveling with their toddler on Porter Airlines last week, my worst-case scenario came true.

Per the airline, a Canadian flight scheduled to fly from Victoria to Toronto on August 6 had to return to the terminal after a “young child was standing in their seat and would not secure their seat belt.” Attempts by the accompanying parent and crew to address the situation were unsuccessful, Porter Airlines said. The flight was subsequently cancelled because it was unable to depart before the runway closed just after midnight, leaving passengers scrambling to rebook their flights for the following day. (Cue the vicious online discourse calling for children to be banned from all flights.)

My thoughts immediately went to the parent. As the internet spewed hatred about this being a situation where “gentle parenting goes wrong” or, worse, one that called for physical intervention (“my kid wouldn’t have been able to sit down for a week if they did that,” one commenter wrote), reports surfaced from a fellow passenger with an important detail: No, the child wasn’t being unruly. They were scared.

“They just kept hiding under their seat,” passenger Aryeh Kozuch told CBC News. “If they got forced into [being] strapped in, they just kind of slid out underneath.”

Kozuch also shared that, once it became clear the situation couldn’t be resolved, deboarding was the only option. But with luggage and a stroller in tow, it took time to deplane the passengers, retrieve their bags and submit new flight plans. The airport in Victoria closes at 12:30 a.m., and that was that.

Can you imagine the stress and humiliation that parent must have felt? The sweat pouring down their face? The idea of managing both a freaked-out toddler and an airplane’s worth of angry passengers? And the struggle sounds just as much physical as emotional.  After all, if you’ve never had a two-year-old then you might not understand the sheer physical strength they can have: the contortion of their bodies, the ability to make their arms go limp and wiggle out of even the world’s most restrictive five-point harness. (I’m picturing the battle I endure every morning just to get my child dressed—it requires both parents, and we practically have to sit on him just to get a pair of shorts on.)

And I’m not doing it with a time limit. According to Kozuch, five minutes went by before an announcement was made that the toddler had 60 seconds to comply with the flight attendants’ instructions...or the plane was going back to the gate.

Listen. Flights are cancelled or disrupted left and right because of unruly adults who should very much know better. And this wasn’t even a scenario where the toddler was acting like a jerk! Yes, both parents and airline officials need rules (for safety) and boundaries (for showing authority and leadership), so a single pre-schooler can’t derail an entire flight. But my gut reaction is still empathy. 

After all, life—and especially parenting—is about praying for the best-case scenario. We desperately want things to run smoothly, but, alas, we can’t always control what happens when they don’t. The only thing we can hope for is that the people around us help when they can and recognize that we’re trying our hardest...and that toddlers are remarkably slippery.