16 Things Every Woman Thinks During the First Trimester
Congrats, you're pregnant with your very first baby! Good thing you're barfing all the time and can't tell a soul about it. Here, 16 stunning realizations every lady comes to during the first trimester.
1. That you’re actually pregnant for ten months. Ten. Not nine. Ten.
2. That morning sickness isn’t an only-in-the-morning thing.
3. That boobs can feel pain. Acutely. Constantly.
4. That you get way more male attention with those giant, throbbing boobs, which is messed up because you are making a baby over here, people.
5. That the entire world revolves around alcohol, and the fact that you turned down that glass of Pinot definitely cues the tristate area to your impending news. Like more than your giant boobs and the sonogram sticking out of your handbag.
6. Related: That you might be a borderline alcoholic.
7. That Brie, oysters, sushi and sliced deli meats are the best foods in the entire world, and suddenly more dear to you than your spouse...who better not eat them in front of you if he doesn't want a chopstick thrown at his head.
8. That Tums, Tylenol and allergy meds are the new normal. (A heads up about stuffy nasal passages in the first trimester would have been nice.)
9. That you have no idea how human gestation actually works.
10. Ditto child care.
11. That baby math is frightening. (Six diapers a day = 180 diapers a month = help me, I'm poor.)
12. That an OB/GYN shall be evaluated on her ability to find the heartbeat immediately, not judge your seven-pound weight gain and answer all (insane) questions via email.
13. That a reasonable bedtime is 8:30 p.m.
14. That taking prenatal vitamins is like swallowing horse pills.
15. That Google is like a bad-boy boyfriend you know you should stay away from but just keep coming back to. Because how can you not know the answer to "What was the largest baby ever delivered vaginally?"
16. That you are growing a HUMAN BEING. Heavy.