It’s a moment that has stuck with me and echoes a video I saw on Instagram recently where soft skills expert Grace McCarrick argues that one reason Gen Z allegedly lacks “common sense” is because sometime in the 90s, adults stopped parenting other people’s kids. The result, she says, is a generation that understands what’s normal inside their own family unit, but not necessarily what’s expected out in public.
As an example, she notes that back in the day, if you wore a baseball cap indoors, an adult would tell you to take it off. You didn’t debate the philosophy of headwear. You just took it off.
And sure, you can argue about whether hats indoors are a hill worth dying on. But the main point is this: Somewhere along the way, we quietly agreed that correcting someone else’s child is taboo. And I’m not convinced that’s a good thing.
Parenting has become radically individual at the exact moment when it’s also become unbearably hard. We talk wistfully about “the village,” but flinch the second anyone actually tries to act like a villager.
Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt explains this shift in his bestselling book, The Anxious Generation. In the 80s and 90s, repeated news stories about child abuse rightly led to better reporting and awareness. But the unintended side effect was a growing belief that other adults, in general, couldn’t be trusted around children.
This led to more fearful parenting with fewer unsupervised kids in public spaces and fewer adults intervening with children who weren’t their own.
“But when adults step away and stop helping each other to raise children, parents find themselves on their own,” writes Haidt. “Parenting becomes harder, more fear-ridden, and more time-consuming, especially for women.”
Now, there are plenty of things that would make parenting a little bit easier, calmer and less time-consuming. But here’s one suggestion: Let other adults step in! Take it from me, it’s one less thing for you to do—not to mention highly effective. I felt this deeply at a playdate recently when my daughter grabbed her baby brother from behind and started to drag him by the neck. Not malicious—just rough play she absolutely knows is too rough.
Before I could even open my mouth, the other dad stepped in.
“Nope,” he said firmly, walking over to her. “You know better than that.”
She stopped instantly without debate or tears. (A minor miracle!) Because here’s the thing: Other people correcting your kids often works better than when you do it yourself. It’s faster. It’s clearer. There’s no power struggle.
So yes—please tell my kid to say “please” and “thank you” at the restaurant. Tell them to wait their turn at the playground. Remind them to use an indoor voice. Correct my kids gently, firmly, and appropriately.
I promise that I won’t be offended. I’ll be grateful.
Because raising decent humans was never supposed to be a solo sport. And frankly, I could use the backup. We all could.
