Manners matter, but beyond teaching “please” and “thank you,” it can be tough to know what to prioritize in order to make sure our kids enter the world—or simply the classroom—being kind and respectful of others. That’s why we turned to Myka Meier, the founder of Beaumont Etiquette and the creator of a brand-new educational YouTube series called Mini Manners, to find out the core skills most often overlooked. One of the biggest tip-offs to a teacher that your child needs a helping hand in the manners department? Impulse control. But more specifically, how to take turns in conversation.
It's a Social Skill That Doesn't Come Naturally
Motherhood is busy, which is the excuse I’ll give here for explaining the fact that my 8-year-old still struggles with this idea. “Parents often think about regulation in terms of big emotions at home, but it also shows up in everyday social behaviors like pausing before speaking, waiting your turn and not interrupting others,” Meier explains. “Regulation and manners go hand in hand. When children learn how to pause instead of reacting immediately, they’re better able to listen and respond thoughtfully.”
And here’s the kicker: Manners are really about awareness of other people. In other words, helping our kids practice the art of noticing others, pausing to listen and not talking over others to be heard feels kind of fundamental. Per Meier, early childhood—ideally, between ages 2 and 6—is also a critical time to develop these skills. At that stage, children are still learning how conversation works, not to mention other prosocial behaviors (i.e. skills that support communication, friendships and classroom participation). That makes this the perfect time to introduce the habit of making space for others and waiting your turn to speak.
So, How Can Parents Introduce It?
The best thing parents can do to put conversational turn-taking into practice is to model that skill through everyday interactions. “We teach a simple rhythm for conversation: Pause, listen, take your turn,” Meier says. “First, help children pause before jumping into a conversation. If a child interrupts, guide them with language like: ‘I want to hear what you have to say. Let’s pause and listen until your sister finishes.’ Next, encourage children to listen fully to the person speaking.”
The best way to demonstrate this? Do the same in your own conversations around them. For example, parents can model this by making eye contact, finishing their thoughts before responding and narrating what respectful conversation looks like. Finally, help children respond once it’s their turn. “Phrases like, ‘Now it’s your turn to share,’ or ‘What would you like to add?’ reinforce that conversations have a natural rhythm,” Meier says.
