Ciara recently announced that she was expecting her fifth child with her husband, former NFL quarterback Russell Wilson. Many have already expressed their well wishes for the family, but there remains a pocket of the Internet not so much enraged but rather skeptical. Some of the "issues" raised? She's having a baby at 40, when the narrative fed to women is that everything must be done by 35. Others were somehow offended she wasn't living the narrative they expected. The trend toward smaller families makes a large brood feel iconoclast. Some seem jealous that she's rich and happy; others seem to be self-projecting their own discontent. Amid all that discourse, this observation stuck out to me: That these days, big families are rarer. So, as the eldest of five children myself, I'm going to ask: Can we please chill out?!
Ciara Is 40, Pregnant and Happy. Why Isn’t That Enough?
Large families are actually pretty great
In recent decades, society has largely trended toward smaller families in many countries, including the US. According to Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, the current period fertility rate in America is 1.64 births per woman. Growing up, my large family was an anomaly. I had many friends who were only children. If someone did have siblings, it was likely they had just one. If there were more, usually they came from blended families.
It will be impossible for me to uncover what makes people uncomfortable about Ciara's pregnancy, though I could hedge some guesses. But rather than unproductively participate in the discourse, which, frankly, is no one's business anyway, allow me to make the possibly unscientific, but anecdotally-verified case for a big family.
We didn't have a choice but to learn to share, negotiate and adapt to others' habits. Those skills have sincerely served me well in my adult life.
My siblings and I were raised in a single family home, which often felt like squishing around a giant suitcase bulging at the seams. The last fact that I'm sure will horrify people is that all five us us shared one bathroom. (And, up until my parents remodeled it when I was in middle school, there was only one sink.)
Yes, it was chaotic, but it taught me how to live in community. We didn't have a choice but to learn to share, negotiate and adapt to others' habits. This is something I've come to value immensely in my adult life. There's something comforting about coming home to a house that's not empty, even if the price is working through conflict and occasionally driving each other crazy. Did I hate the way my brother has the heavy thudding steps of an elephant? Did I hate that my sister talks in her sleep? Did I hate toothpaste worms in the bathroom? Yes, yes and yes. But I never had to feel their absence.
So, does Ciara have a huge family? Perhaps, but I'd say good for her. I think there's only one thing that matters. The kids are alright.
