22 Things Only Procrastinators Understand
Deadlines are in the eye of the beholder
Oh, type-A people, with your organized lists, spotless homes and clothes that have actually been ironed. We salute you.
But we’re not gonna lie: We don’t understand you. We work way better under pressure, we love pulling all-nighters and we’d much rather spend three hours on Facebook than getting a head start on this week’s chores.
Here are 22 things you probably don’t understand about us. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some very important Netflixing to do.
1. Right this second, we’re supposed to be working on a gigantic project for our boss.
3. And we know exactly what the weather will be every hour for the next ten days. (Guys, it’s going to be cloudy next Tuesday.)
4. And we’ve memorized the menu at the Montana restaurant our high school nemesis just posted an Instagram from, even though we’ve never been to Montana.
5. In high school, we’d happily spend 45 minutes trying to alter the margins on a document to make a report seem longer.
6. But actually doing research? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
7. Deadlines mean nothing to us. Any task can be completed in 24 hours (with the help of 24 cups of coffee).
8. The dishes can always wait until tomorrow…unless we have a big deadline coming up, and then we’ll gladly spend three hours scrubbing the whole sink with a toothbrush.
9. Our friends regularly tell us plans are half an hour earlier than they actually are, just so we’ll arrive on time.
10. We still haven’t picked out a dress to wear to our cousin’s wedding, even though we’ve somehow had time to watch Double Wedding, starring Tia and Tamera Mowry, on Netflix three times.
11. And then we wonder what Tia and Tamera have been up to since Sister, Sister anyway.
12. And then we discover Tia has a show on the Cooking Channel and decide to watch the entire series.
14. …But it’s now the night before our cousin’s wedding and we still haven’t found a dress. Why isn’t Zara open 24 hours?
15. Sunday is a magical day when there’s time to do four loads of laundry, clean the entire house, go grocery shopping, paint the living room, mow the lawn and finish those reports for our boss.
16. …Then Sunday actually rolls around and we get this awful panicky feeling, because none of that stuff could ever possibly get done. So we watch a Real Housewives marathon instead.
17. Just having a gym membership is a huge feat. Actually going and working out? Um, we’ll do it later.
18. Our wallet looks like this.
19. And our email box always has at least 1,000 unread messages.
20. But there are way more fun things to do--like checking out houses in cities we’ll never live in on Zillow.
21. Or browsing lists of cute baby names, even though we have no immediate plans to have a kid.
22. …Oops, we still haven’t started that gigantic project for our boss. Oh well. There’s always tomorrow.