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When you joined your book club, you thought it would be such a great way to meet new friends, expand your literary horizons and up your dinner party banter. Little did you know, you’d now be at the mercy some very annoying “characters.” Here, the seven worst culprits in every book group, ever.

Organizer

The Organizer

She’s the one who got the group together to begin with (Cousin Nancy, meet Coworker Beth!) and she takes her leadership position very seriously. Expect four to seven emails a month from her with updates on what you’re reading, who’s hosting and why it might be useful to skim this 26-page Atlantic article in advance.

Catchphrase: “GREAT question, Beth, but if you look at my outline, you’ll see…”

Selmablair

The English Major

She studied postmodern lit at Vassar, and she’s not afraid to bring her acute understanding of deconstructionism to your casual convo about The Kite Runner.

Catchphrase: “Funny… that reminds me of Derrida.”

hostess

The Frazzled Hostess

She had every intention of making homemade borscht to accompany your discussion of Crime and Punishment. But she got home ten minutes ago and had to clean up cat puke, so… here, have some old pretzels while she orders a pizza.

Catchphrase: “Can anybody bring ice?”

Kimmy

The One Who Couldn’t Relate to the Character

She, like, wanted to like Lolita. But she just couldn’t relate to that Humbert Humbert guy. What a creep! Ew!

Catchphrase: “Can’t we read something about nice people?”

Liz lemon eye roll

The One Who Read the Book Three Years Ago

She opted not to reread the novel, even though she has absolutely no memory of what happened and realizes midway through the discussion that she’s actually been mixing up Snow Falling on Cedars and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan this entire time.

Catchphrase: “Wait, is that the guy who died or the one who’s actually a woman?”

JLeto

The One Who Didn’t Read the Book at All

Let’s be honest. She never reads the book. We’re not sure if she’s literate.

Catchphrase: “What a nice cover.”

Alcoholic

The Alcoholic

This is her one night away from Larry and the boys all month, so won’t you please give her a break and pass the goddamned Zinfandel?

Catchphrase: “Pass the goddamned Zinfandel.”

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