Ugly Duckling Core Just Reeks of Pretty Privilege

After riding the explosion of the “glow up” that was the past 15 years, we are re-entering our Ugly Duckling Era. ICYMI: The Washington Post reported that both teenagers and grown women are requesting metal braces over retainer options. In the last couple years, people have started opting for Bayonetta glasses over more flattering frames, and we’re in our athleisure era. It’s all the stuff we look back on in photos and think “now remind me why I wore those?” These are the classic Ugly Duckling accoutrements shed by many a protagonist before their glow-up. Think: Mia Thermopolis in The Princess Diaries, Laney Boggs in She’s All That, and Betty Suarez in Ugly Betty. Even Elphaba in Wicked is subjected to Glinda’s attempt to lift her spectacles during the “Popular” number. As a proud former ugly duckling myself, seeing the mainstreaming of these accessories…I just can’t.

When I was a child, I had crooked buck teeth—something no amount of Invisalign was going to fix at the time. Braces were a necessity. For two years, wires and metal bits grated the inside of my cheeks like they were cheese. So, I’m sorry, but no amount of cool girl status could ever convince me to wear them again. But that hasn’t stopped the Kardashification of them. Proof: TikTok loves braces, with plenty of conventionally beautiful women flaunting their newest shiny accessories.

And the ugly glasses trend? The first time I learned that someone I knew had fake glasses for aesthetic purposes, I was floored. And irked. I am legally barred from driving without vision correction; I’ve worn glasses to my own chagrin since I was 8 years old. Now, the likes of “It” girls Emma Chamberlain, Bella Hadid and Billie Eillish wear librarian spectacles on the red carpet, and here I am, still being told that I’d “be so much prettier without your glasses.”

Just like Mia in The Princess Diaries after her makeover, I’ve received much more positive feedback after I ditched my glasses and braces. What would happen if I—a bonafide ugly duckling—tried on the trend? Well, newsflash, I already have. I had Bayonetta glasses (librarian glasses) for about five years. Should my memory serve me correctly, those were the first pair of glasses I had that I was encouraged to take off. It begs the question: Are glasses (and braces) cool because someone is already pretty, an objectively cool VIP? Do you have to be gorgeous to cosplay ugly?

In a world where beauty wields so much power, I say give the ugly ducklings something to work with—let’s play dress up, not dress down.