The Weirdest, Best Marriage Tip That Can Save Your Relationship in Quarantine? Zooming with Your Spouse

zoom with spouse cat

Between remote learning, office meetings and digital scavenger hunts, do we really need another reason to get on Zoom? Yesterday, we would have said, “Absolutely not.” Today, however, we've changed our mind. What's with the flip-flopping? Some wise advice from a friend who confided that the key to deescalating stress in her marriage during quarantine was taking the relationship to Zoom. Yep. Here's how a Zoom date could be the weirdest, best relationship tip in the midst of the pandemic. 

Zoom dates aren’t just for singles

We know our single friends are using Zoom to continue to meet people as we socially distance, and while the virtual dating thing has its pros (easy outs) and cons (awkward moments with WiFi), it's a surprisingly intimate way to communicate—a good Zoom date demands full attention and eye contact from both participants. So, for couples who've been stuck in the same house, juggling work, kids and the everyday burdens of living through a pandemic without anywhere to escape, a Zoom date with your partner could bring a brief respite of intimacy in the whirlwind of daily chaos. 

Why a Zoom date? Why not just hang out in person?

For lots of couples right now, the boundaries of our relationship have been redrawn. Now, home is work, school and everything else. Date night with Netflix on the couch is every night for some folks. But a meeting on Zoom kinda demands that you engage with the other person, making deliberate eye contact and conversation as opposed to zoning out over the dining table for the seventh night in a row. In this sense, a Zoom with your partner is new territory. In fact, it kinda reminds us of the pod dating from Love Is Blind—except, ya know, you can see (and you know) who you're talking to. On the show, contestants actually made really strong connections through open dialogues (...and then, ya know crumbled into oblivion upon actually meeting each other—but you get the idea). 

So how do I set up a Zoom date with someone I live with?

First, put it on the cal like every other important meeting in your day. Make it a priority, one that maybe you even put on a little makeup and a cute outfit for. It's also important to set time aside for your date. If you're still juggling other things, you'll find that it will become just another blurred boundary. Try to keep this time sacred and zoned off. Before you sign on, pick an activity for you guys to do together—whether it's drinking a glass of that special wine or curating some interesting conversation starters. Once it's go-time, split off into different locations in your home with your phones, tablets or computers. Try to create a sound barrier if possible—maybe this means one of you is chiming in from the bathroom. From there, engage like you're on an actual date and enjoy the one-on-one time with the person you love. 

What if we only have one Zoom device?

Do it the analogue way. Take a note from Love Is Blind (once again) and put a barrier between the two of you—sit on opposite sides of a wall, couch or even sit back-to-back so that you're focusing on the content of what you're saying. While a Zoom date means looking at each other, this old school method still creates a far greater sense of intimacy than normal, everyday life allows. Wine and conversation starters still work great here too. 

Weird? 100 percent. We could never imagine planning a Zoom date with someone we live with and see 24/7, but then again, we couldn't have imagined much of what 2020 turned out to be.

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Executive Editor, Frazzled Mom, Bravo-Holic

Dara Katz is PureWow's Executive Editor, focusing on relationships, sex, horoscopes, travel and pets. Dara joined PureWow in 2016 and now dresses so much better. A lifestyle...