The One Thing to Do When You Learn Your Friend Has Had a Miscarriage

For a lot of women, miscarriage and infertility are the secret emotional toll-takers that they never, ever talk about. (Certainly a taboo we hope to change.) But if you do have a friend who feels close enough to you to tell you when she’s lost a pregnancy, there’s one super-important thing you can do beyond listening, consoling and validating her feelings: Make a note of what her due date would have been and put it in your calendar.

Here’s why: Right now, her world is filled with sadness and confusion. But that won’t go away. In fact, it may get stronger right around the time she would have had the baby. And chances are, she’ll be suffering in silence, since nobody else will remember that this day holds import.

Even if you don’t know the exact date, make a plan to check in with her around the time she would have been due—send her flowers, write her a card or even just pick up the phone and ask her how she’s doing.

Knowing she’s not alone will help, and serves as a reminder of how strong your friendship is.

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