There Are 4 Lust Languages. Knowing Yours Can Lead to Better Sex

By now you’re likely familiar with the concept of a love language. Introduced by marriage counselor and author Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, the idea behind love languages is to understand and communicate what it takes for a person to feel loved. The thing is, what makes one person feel loved isn’t necessarily the same for their spouse or partner. Enter the five different love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch and acts of service.

Becoming aware of your own love language—and that of your partner or potential partner—can be crucial to the success of your relationship. But there’s another type of romantic language that could help heat things up in the bedroom. It’s called your lust language and, per the experts at Delicto, a site dedicated to product reviews, how-to guides and a wide selection of sex toys and accessories, knowing what yours is can improve communication between you and your partner and give you a better understanding of what excites you. Here’s what you need to know about each of the four lust languages.

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What Is a Lust Language?

Whereas love languages help us understand how we give and receive love, lust languages help us understand how we experience arousal. Basically, your lust language is all the things that turn you on and off. Why is it important to know yours? The experts at Delicto explain that being aware of your lust language can help boost your self-awareness in the bedroom, improve communication between you and your partner and give you a better understanding of what excites you—and why. While certain elements of the four lust languages—romantic, harmonious, connected and primal—are inherently sexual, many are not, since arousal happens in both the body and mind. When you understand your lust language, you learn how to ask your partner for what you want in an effective way

What Are the 4 Lust Languages?

1. Romantic

Unsurprisingly, the romantic lust language is all about being wined and dined. For these types, setting the mood is crucial, as it demonstrates a level of effort that makes them feel wanted and appreciated. Think: a homemade meal and a bath, followed by some quality bedroom time. Delicto’s experts say that the way to a romantic’s heart is with notes, pet names and personal gifts. They also love surprises and verbal play in the form of sexy words of affirmation. So if you’re dealing with a romantic, don’t hesitate to send those equal parts sweet and sexy texts.

2. Harmonious

Similar to the acts of service love language, this one centers around support and shared responsibility—feeling like you’re on the same team as your partner. The harmonious type might find it difficult to become aroused if their partner neglects a household chore or forgets to fulfill a promise, but they are likely to feel ready for action if they come home to clean dishes, bathed kids and folded laundry. (Delicto is sure to note that this doesn’t mean that they're literally turned on when they hear the vacuum—desire is sparked by a partner who lightens their load and shares their goals.)

3. Connected

A strong emotional link is necessary for connected types to feel aroused, and desire is intimately linked to feeling known, understood and safe with a partner. One-night stands and love at first sight are less appealing than bonding over shared experiences, interests and emotional needs. The ability to openly express wants, needs and intimate desires is the ultimate turn-on for those with this lust language, so it makes sense that this type—which likes to stay in touch often throughout the day—is likely very into sexting.

4. Primal

On the opposite end of the spectrum from the connected lust language lies the primal lust language. Folks with this lust language prefer passion, excitement and novelty, and a strong physical connection is a must. This type might also be into kinks and fetishes, but not necessarily. One thing that is necessary, though, is physical contact, as primal types feel most aroused by touching their partner’s body. Basically, an emotional connection is not needed for a good time—but can absolutely be present in tandem.

sarah stiefvater

Wellness Director

Sarah Stiefvater is PureWow's Wellness Director. She's been at PureWow for ten years, and in that time has written and edited stories across all categories, but currently focuses...