Here's What Samantha Jones Thinks You Should Do with Your *SATC* Reboot

“People keep asking me, am I upset about the SATC series that HBO Max just announced without me, Samantha, the spice of a series where the other cast members would need a road map to find their own clitoris?

“Why would I be upset? I’ve moved on with my life and I don’t understand why those other ladies have not also. I mean, I’ve taken some hits for living my life out loud and proud (scat singing), being a pro-sex woman of a certain age on Family Guy and even on the show, well, being unafraid to go there. But I am not still sitting down at one of the coffee shops that no longer exist in New York City to dish the dirt about where my life falls on New York magazine’s Approval Matrix.

“Speaking of New York media, here's the item announcing the show in the New York Post: ‘The next chapter in the tale of lifestyle columnist Carrie Bradshaw...also titled And Just Like That…,continues the story as it follows the three friends, including gallerist Charlotte York...and attorney Miranda Hobbes...now in their 50s. However, the 10 half-hour episodes, which begin production in late spring, will not include sexpot publicist Samantha Jones....’

“Sounds lucrative right? And sounds empowering for a viewership that is targeting women over 48, correct? Not so fast. Unlike me, the ethos of Sex and the City has not aged well. It’s about a hapless newspaper (!) columnist and her friends, who are alternatively repressed, workaholic and sexually frustrated. And me. And the show is #oscarssowhite, without the Oscars part. (At least I dated a Black record exec and a Latina.) And finally, why is everyone so charmed by a storyline where after seasons of rejection, culminating in being left at the altar with a bird on her head, we’re all cheering when Carrie and Big get married?

“Women, it’s a new day. There's a BIPOC vice-president on the cover of Vogue. There are real social concerns that are bigger than any limited-edition series: social justice, economic inequality, climate change and so many more issues. And let's not forget Covid-19: I’m not sure how taping the show is even going to work. Will Carrie wear a mask coordinated with her tube top? Are there going to be social media plot lines, with influencers running around telling Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda what they should do and wear? Weren't we the ones who were style leaders in the show's heyday, when it seems like watching people devote hours to quaffing the right cocktails in the right clubs with the right lover was a worthwhile way to spend time?

“Today's audience isn't interested in seeing that in New York, where we're working on coming together as a people, not vying to climb to the top of a guest list. And anyway, Darren Star already has a Sex and the City reboot on television, and it’s called Emily in Paris. So this reboot is redundant, and not so fresh. Which is that last thing that Carrie and company would ever want to be.

“So no, I'm not upset that SATC is going to rear its retro tipsy head on the teensy handheld devices of HBO Max. I mean, I had the television show and I had the movies in theaters. I can hold my head high and say, to paraphrase Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard—I'm still a big star, it's the screens that got small.”