Your mom has done a lot for you over the years. She taught you how to apply eyeliner, consoled you after those tough breakups and is always willing to whip up your favorite mac and cheese every time you ask. Needless to say, your mother absolutely deserves a day that’s all about her—replete with flower arrangements and a robust Mother's Day brunch. In honor of her special day, here are 56 Mother's Day quotes about mom and motherhood that are sure to resonate. (There are even some real LOLs from Tina Fey and Serena Williams.)
56 Hilarious Mother’s Day Quotes to Brighten Any Mama’s Day
Published Mar 17, 2023
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1. "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." – Calvin Trillin
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2. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." – Erma Bombeck
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3. "If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children'.” – Susan Savannah
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4. "Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying, ‘Da-da’ first." – Mignon McLaughlin
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5. “Maybe it’s just a daughter’s job to piss off her mother.” – Chuck Palahniuk, Diary
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6. “Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.” – Harriet Beecher Stowe
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7. "Once you're a mom, you're always a mom. It's like riding a bike, you never forget." Taraji P. Henson
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8. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” – Lane Olinghouse
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9. “Over the years I have learned that motherhood is much like an austere religious order, the joining of which obligates one to relinquish all claims to personal possessions.” – Nancy Stahl
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10. “Honey, I’m Your Mother. It’s My Job To Strong-arm People Into Seeing How Amazing You Are.” — Beverly Goldberg From the Goldbergs
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11. "Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts." – Tina Fey
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12. "Mom, I Love You, Even Though I’ll Never Accept Your Friend Request."
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13. "No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too." – Chrissy Teigen
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14. "I've conquered a lot of things ... blood clots in my lungs — twice ... knee and foot surgeries ... winning Grand Slams being down match point ... to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!" – Serena Williams
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15. "I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them." – Reese Witherspoon
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16. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." – Phyllis Diller
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17. "Thank you for not telling my sisters that I’m your favorite."
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18. "Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! (And while I have you, quick apologies for ages 13-21.)"
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19. "A mother is the person you can always call to see how long chicken lasts in the fridge."
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20. "Dear Mom, Thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from Dad."
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21. “Being a mom has made me really tired and so happy.” – Tina Fey
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22. "Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious."
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23. “Parenting is f**king hard.” – Adele
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24. "Motherhood. It takes patience, humor and a lot of wet towelettes."
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25. "It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want. Like a bottle of wine out of macaroni."
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26. “She taught me that fear is not an option.” – Diane Von Furstenberg, on her mom
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27. "Mom: I love you and your super long voicemails."
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28. "Every day I wake up and think: How on Earth did I become this much like my mother?"
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29. "Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out."
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30. “My Mother Used To Say: The Older You Get, The Better You Get. Unless You’re A Banana.” — Rose Nylund From golden Girls
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31. "The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink."
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32. “It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” – Betty White
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33. "I’ve learned to use meditation and relaxation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine."
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34. "Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties."
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35. "If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the start."
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36. "Motherhood: Powered by love. Sustained by wine."
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37. “The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kids didn't finish." — Carrie Underwood
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38. “All those clichés, those things you hear about having a baby and motherhood—all of them are true. And all of them are the most beautiful things you will ever experience." — Penelope Cruz
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39. “You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.” — Jennifer Garner
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40. “There’s something really empowering about going, ‘Hell, I can do this! I can do this all!’ That’s the wonderful thing about mothers, you can because you must, and you just do.” — Kate Winslet
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41. “My favorite part about being a mom, I mean it’s so corny, but no matter how tired you are, it’s complete bliss. No matter what.” — Khloé Kardashian
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42. “If I wasn't at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man—and by 'party' I mean, of course, endless rounds of 'Itsy Bitsy Spider.” — Olivia Wilde
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43. "Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy.” — Michelle Pfeiffer
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44. “Why don't kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?” — Alyson Hannigan
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45. “Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” — Nia Vardalos
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46. "‘I don't think so mommy!’ is what my child said after, ‘Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?’" — Anna Faris
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47. “Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.” —Julia Roberts
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48. “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” — Mark Twain
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49. “If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?” — Milton Berle
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50. “There Are No Rules In This House; I’m Not Like A Regular Mom, I’m A Cool Mom.” — Mrs. George From mean Girls
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51. “My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” — Buddy Hackett
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52. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” — Erma Bombeck
53. "Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age." — William Feather
54. "I can be covered in spit-up on a conference call while I'm pumping and that's okay because this is my perfect. It may not be somebody else's, but this is mine." — Kerry Washington
55. "Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life." — Mindy Kaling
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56. “I didn't fully wrap my head around the fact that there would be a person at the end of it. I read endlessly about pregnancy and what to eat and what not to eat. And then I sort of prepared not at all for the actual baby.” — Ellie Kemper
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