Per the doc, the first few dates are a crucial time: “You could be missing red flags that pop up mid-conversation because you're too worried about them getting away… you're so anxious and stressed they might leave (or ghost) you, but this is actually the energy that’s going to eventually push them away.” Hence, why she says it’s best to take a break from your looming anxieties and allow your potential suitor to show they care. “You want to be with someone who will put in the same amount of effort—they need to like you just as much as you like them.”
To that end, the 80 in this scenario is all about prioritizing what you're looking for in a potential partner (and sparing yourself a mental breakdown). It represents a perspective shift, where you only view the relationship through the lens of, is this guy good enough for *me*? (As opposed to, am I good enough for him). The 20, however, allows you to self-doubt and question whether he's doodling your name in his notebook, too. You get one neurotic FaceTime to your friends per month, so use it wisely.
It's also worth mentioning that them 'making the first move' should extend beyond the physical (whether that's asking you to dinner or ripping your clothes off). When the other person comes to you—and you're focusing only 20 percent (max!) on trying to figure them out—take a look at who you’re left with. Does the conversation flow organically when you’re not doing everything in your power to ask amazing questions? Do they remember small details you’ve shared in the past? Pay attention to how the connection changes when there's no pressure to try and make it work. “Rather than stressing about how they perceive you, you need to be tuning in on how you feel when you're with them…you don't have to keep wishing for those one-night stands to magically turn into Mr. Right,” the doc adds.