Please Stop Asking Engaged Couples When They’re Getting Married

Being engaged sounds like a great idea: You’re in a committed relationship, yet free of all the responsibilities that arrive after saying “I do.” But in today’s society, having a ring on your finger isn’t all it’s chalked up to be.

OK, I’m not saying that being engaged is overrated, but the pressure that comes along with it is. After the hype surrounding the proposal dies down, the couple will inevitably face the question: “When’s the big day?” My problem with this is…why does it matter? 

If it were me, I would want to enjoy the engagement rather than rush into selecting a venue, setting a date and all the other stress that accompanies planning a wedding. So, why is it acceptable to pressure these couples into rushing that next step?

Answer: It’s not.

Just because someone gets down on one knee doesn’t mean they immediately need to head down the aisle. In fact, there are loads of couples who are perfectly content with the commitment that an engagement ring signifies. Or, better yet, taking the time to plan the wedding of their dreams. 

Take Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez, for example, who just got engaged last month. During a recent radio interview, the 49-year-old singer scoffed when the host asked about her wedding plans, saying, “We haven’t started planning yet. You know, we just got engaged!”

So, why do people pry? Let’s call it overexcitement (and not actually anything overly malicious.) 

But this is personally problematic for me. In general, I put a lot of pressure on myself. I thrive on deadlines. However, this is no work project that will be irrelevant in a few short works. This is an engagement. And since I plan on being engaged only once (sorry, Bachelor Nation), I want to enjoy it. I want to take my time. I want to select the venue that I want, even if the first available date is five years from now. While it would be easy to view an engagement as a work project that can be broken down into a checklist, the truth is it’s not that simple, and it shouldn’t be rushed by well-intentioned inquiries.

So please remember: It’s great to get excited about tearing up the dance floor at your niece’s impending wedding. But think twice about what exactly you say while congratulating her on her engagement.