If regular Valentine’s day gifts (Flowers! Chocolate! Jewelry!) were starting to seem stale to you, then prepare to be amazed by the most 2019, aka absurd, gift on the market: beef jerky bouquets.
Yep, for those who don’t have a sweet tooth and prefer ornamental (and functional!) dried meat to chocolate or flowers, the Manly Man Company is now offering bundles of beef jerky in the shape of flowers.
But not all jerky bouquets are created equal. The company offers both rose- and daisy-shaped bunches to appeal to all sorts of jerky-flower-hybrid aficionados (because there are so many). And the customization doesn’t stop there. Meat connoisseurs may also choose between flavor options like original, mixed, hot and teriyaki. (Hot seems like the way to go as far as Valentine’s Day gifts are concerned, amirite?) Like flowers, the bouquets come in a dozen or half dozen. Unlike flowers, the jerky is 100 percent beef and stems are composed of a blend of beef, pork and spices, and seriously who thought of this and why?
If you were worried about whether this meat bouquet (words we hoped we’d never have to say) will match the aesthetic of your loved one’s home or office, then rest assured that there are several vase options: a glass beer mug or a black (not blue) steel jar.
The Manly Man jerky bouquets range in price from $49 to $64 and are quickly selling out (really), so if you’re yearning to show your love with flavored meat, then we suggest ordering fast. On the plus side, they last a lot longer than flowers and won’t spoil before Valentine’s Day rolls around. Win-win? We’re not so sure.
Slogan suggestion: This Valentine’s Day, don’t date jerks, eat ’em.