55 Funny Graduation Quotes for the Class of 2023 (Because They Could Use a Laugh)

Published Apr 2, 2023

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Graduating is stressful as it is because you’re moving on to a completely new chapter in your life. That, and the class of 2023 spent most of their college years navigating a global pandemic, riding the waves of uncertainty in lockdown and euphoria when restrictions lifted. Distance learning, remote internships, canceled study abroad plans and the seemingly endless stream of video calls—class of 2023, you’ve survived a lot. Now it’s time to dive into adulthood, which is terrifying, thrilling, frustrating and fun in equal measure. (Because yes, you’re going to have to pay taxes yourself.)

But sometimes a little humor (and a special gift, wink wink) can help combat those, “Oh my god, everything is changing. Ahhhh!” feelings. Check out these funny graduation quotes from the likes of from Amy Poehler, Ellen DeGeneres and Cardi B that are sure to lighten the mood. Write them in a card, read them at a graduation party or send them to that one friend who really needs it right about now. And then, queue up some songs and get the party started. It’s the first day of the rest of your (adult) life.

1. “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” — Muhammad Ali

2. “You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.” — Andy Samberg

3. “If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.” — William Lyon Phelps

4. “Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.” — Ellen DeGeneres

5. “My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives.” — Lin-Manuel Miranda

6. “So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.” — Ed Helms

7. “As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.” — Will Ferrell

8.“A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” — Theodore Roosevelt

9. “Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.” — John Green

10. “Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.” — Will Durant

11. “Congrats and don’t let no coronavirus ... take a special moment from you…Make sure you research careers that is around the money that you want to make in the future. And make sure you research a career that is like OK, ‘When I finish and I go get a job, is this job gonna help me pay my college debt? Is it gonna help me live the lifestyle that I want?’” — Cardi B

12. “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” — Robert Orben

13. “Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.” — Neil Gaiman

14. “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.” — Garry Trudeau

15. “Big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.” — Napoleon Hill

16. “When I was your age, we didn’t have the internet in our pants. We didn’t even have the internet not in our pants. That’s how bad it was.” — Richard Costolo

17. “The Lord gave us two ends: one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.” — Ann Landers

18. “I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” — Fred Allen

19. “Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people’s faces. People’s faces will tell you amazing things.” — Amy Poehler

20. “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain

21. “Each year at graduation, I am obliged to offer a few ‘brief remarks,’ which are usually not as brief as they should be.” — James E. Ryan

22. “Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger

23. “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” — Milton Berle

24. “Remember, when it comes to applying for jobs, books are judged by their cover.” — Patricia Akins

25. “To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.” — George W. Bush

26. “The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.” — Jon Stewart

27. “My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.” — Norm Crosby

28. “The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin

29. “Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: The freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.” —Lawrence Lowell

30. “At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.” — Greg Tamblyn

31. “The only place where success comes before work is the dictionary.” — Vidal Sassoon

32. “If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.” — Robert Goheen

33. “We don't stop going to school when we graduate.” — Carol Burnett

34. “I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today.” — George Foreman

35. “So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.” — Bill Watterson

36. “The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.” — Doug Larson

37. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” — Bette Reese

38. “You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.” — Benjamin Franklin

39. “The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.” — Russell Baker

40. “I mean we all fly. Once you leave the ground, you fly. Some people fly longer than others.” — Michael Jordan

41. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown

42. “Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.” — Stephen Colbert

43. “Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.” — Erma Bombeck

44. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers

45. “Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.” — Gary Bolding

46. “Don’t take life too seriously. No one makes it out alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

47. “Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.” — Mark A. Cooper

48. “If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.” — Harry Banks

49. “I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant, ‘cause the customer is always right.” — Mitch Hedberg

50. “Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.” —Seth McFarlane

funny graduation quotes: “Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.” — Thomas Dewar

51. “Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.” — Thomas Dewar

funny graduation quotes: “I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” — Jim Carrey

52. “I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” — Jim Carrey

funny graduation quotes: “You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.” — Tom & Ray Magliozzi

53. “You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.” — Tom & Ray Magliozzi

funny graduation qoutes: “There may be days when you’ll say to yourself, ‘I can’t. I literally can’t even.’ But you can! You can even!” —Katie Couric

54. “There may be days when you’ll say to yourself, ‘I can’t. I literally can’t even.’ But you can! You can even!” — Katie Couric

funny graduation quotes: “Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.” — Melanie White

55. “Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.” — Melanie White

Stephanie Sengwe

Resident Hufflepuff, Beyonce historian, self-proclaimed tea sommelier

Steph is a native of Zimbabwe who is both enamored and genuinely baffled by the concept of silent letters. From 2020 to 2022, she served as Associate Editor at PureWow covering...

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Sarah Stiefvater

Wellness Director

Sarah Stiefvater is PureWow's Wellness Director. She's been at PureWow for ten years, and in that time has written and edited stories across all categories, but currently focuses...