14 Father’s Day Quotes from Celebrity Dads
Love ’em or groan at ’em, dad jokes are a part of life. Celebrate your special men with these hilarious (and true) Father’s Day quotes that will have them laughing out loud. Jot one down in a card, team it with a set of new cuff links/golf balls/grill tools and you’re all set. Or post one of these funnies online and tag your dad (just don’t forget to show him how to find tagged posts).
“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano
“Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” – Chris Martin
“I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable, I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.” – Will Arnett
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“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24—36 hours.” – Conan O’Brien
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” – Jim Gaffigan
“Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” — Lin Manuel Miranda
“The only way I can describe [fatherhood]—it sounds stupid—but at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; it’s just full all the time.” – Matt Damon
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“I would rather drink a piping hot bowl of liquid rabies than get on a plane with my two children. At two years old they just have to rip all their clothes off and introduce themselves to everyone on the plane. It’s just like, ‘Please can we land in a farmer’s field?’” – Ryan Reynolds
“I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ (I hadn't met my daughter yet.)” – Dax Shepard
“Whenever one of my children says, ‘Goodnight, Daddy,’ I always think to myself, ‘You don't mean that.’“ – Jim Gaffigan
“My daughter got me a 'World’s Best Dad' mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” – Bob Odenkirk
“How come my 3-year-old son knows every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my home phone number?” – Taye Diggs