You love your kids, but it feels like they’re taking over your life. What with Monday carpool duty, Tuesday piano lessons and soccer practice on every day that ends in y, it's easy to forget that—oh yeah!—you're also married and have a relationship to maintain (not to mention your own existence to take care of). Whoops.
Sure, parenting is a full-time job, but if you're at the point where it feels like the only time of day you see your spouse is when you both go to sleep, you might want to reassess...because being completely out of touch in your marriage isn't part of the job description.
One way to reconnect? Block off couple time on your calendars every week, even if it means rearranging your kids' schedules.
According to Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D., the approach is about shifting your focus from all kids, all the time, back to you and your husband (or wife) as a couple. And before you start, it's not selfish! It affects your kids, too. Without the foundation of their family—that's you two—all they see are lonely, separated, exhausted Mom and Dad (as opposed to a healthy, affectionate, involved partnership).
The calendar calibration doesn't have to be crazy, either. It could be as simple as changing your schedules around in order to ensure that you have dinner together four times a week, or establishing a set-in-stone date night and booking the sitter in advance. When you designate "couple time," you're reaffirming the idea that spending time with your spouse isn't just a spontaneous, fleeting event. By deliberately planning your time together (even sex), you're ensuring success and acting as a relationship model for your kids. (They're watching you.)