The 9 Worst Moms to Follow on Facebook
They’re heeeeere...and they’re posting up a storm
Moms are great. The Internet is great. So why do the wild depths of Facebook turn even the most well-meaning women into total maniacs? Here, nine types of mothers who are probably clogging up your Facebook feed. Permission granted to block them immediately.
1. The over-poster
You literally know every outfit in her toddler’s wardrobe and everything he’s eaten for breakfast in the past six weeks. It’s a miracle she’s not live-tweeting the contents of his diaper, come to think of it.
2. The braggart
Her six-year-old is reading at an eight-year-old level. Her high school senior got accepted to Stanford. Her husband just surprised everyone with a trip to Disney World. And all in one day?! Good for you, lady…but also, barf.
3. The complainer
OMG both kids have ear infections, the living room is covered with Lincoln Logs and she’s pretty sure no woman in the history of the universe has ever had a worse case of stress-induced eczema. This one will rant and rave until the cows come home (or at least until some well-meaning commenter sends the number of a trusted therapist).
4. The worrier
“Can you over-dress a newborn?” “Is it weird that a 16-month-old isn’t sorting blocks by shape and color?” “Victoria’s phlegm looks a little green…should we call the pediatrician? We should probably call the pediatrician…”
5. The crowd-sourcer
This one takes to her Facebook feed to summon totally unqualified responses to pressing questions like, “What’s the right age to toilet train?” and “Should I buy Gregory’s third-grade teacher a St. Patrick’s Day gift?” But don’t worry about writing back to her pleas… She never ends up taking your advice anyway.
6. The Martha
Just another flawlessly filtered pic of her homemade banana-bread muffins in the shape of kitty cats. Being a mom is so rewarding!
7. The fitspo queen
Just another flawlessly unfiltered pic of her rock-hard abs and alarmingly robust spandex collection. Baby boot camp is the best!
8. The one who’s always linking to terrifying news articles about child abduction
How many times do we have to tell you? We don’t want to read about the white-van baby-snatcher of Wichita!
9. The one who just detailed her entire labor
And then the mucus plug fell out…