27 Things to Do on Valentine’s Day That Don’t Require a Boyfriend
It’s more fun this way, really
Do you know what’s happening in a mere six days? We call it Sunday, but to much of the coupled-off world, it’s Valentine’s Day. *Groan* This year, forget defending being single and go out and do one of these 27 things that are way more fun anyway.
1. To kick things off, watch the episode of 30 Rock when Liz schedules a root canal on Valentine’s Day.
2. Empathize with her and agree that lots of things are actually easier to do by yourself. Case in point: monologues. And mug cakes.
3. Grab a pal and go to a cheesy restaurant to people-watch all of the early-stage couples be as awkward as possible over cheddar biscuits.
4. Buy a nice bottle of wine and enjoy every drop of it. Go back to the cheap stuff tomorrow.
5. Marie Kondo your closet.
6. Clean your house or apartment while blasting Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” on repeat. Ignore your married neighbors’ repeated requests to turn it down. In fact, turn it up. You DGAF.
7. Do the same, but with TLC’s “No Scrubs.”
8. And Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Getting Back Together.”
9. And Kelly Clarkson’s “Miss Independent.”
10. Begin to notice a theme and decide to get out of the house for a bit.
11. Go to the movies alone and ask yourself why you don’t go to the movies alone more often. (It’s awesome, right?)
12. Go to a dive bar and have a deeply philosophical conversation with an old man with a beard who may or may not be homeless but also may or may not be a prophet.
13. Don’t shave your legs.
14. Use the money you would’ve spent on a gift for your nonexistent S.O. to buy those lace-up pumps you’ve been eyeing.
15. Hate-watch no fewer than seven romantic comedies. Halfway through reciting When Harry Met Sally line for line, accept that it’s not really hate-watching if you still tear up at the New Year’s Eve scene.
16. Catch up on sleep. (Oh my God, sleeeeeep.)
17. Watch all of the Oscar-nominated movies and rank them by attractiveness of their stars.
18. Accept that you’d still date Leo, The Revenant-style.
19. Score major karma points by offering to babysit your friends’ kid while they go out for their first romantic dinner alone in 23 months.
20. Wonder why new parents can’t just refer to their child’s age in years.
21. Or, if you don’t do kids, volunteer at a local animal shelter and realize that a dog would make the best boyfriend.
22. Consider adopting your soon-to-be dog husband, but then decide that it, like your ex, will mean you’ll have to clean your apartment approximately 75 percent more frequently.
23. Netflix and chill, where “chill” refers to a freezing-cold pint of Ben & Jerry’s new vegan ice cream.
24. Download Tinder.
25. Feel like you at least made an effort to chat up Brendan, the 24-year-old skateboard repairman.
26. Delete Tinder.
27. Basically, forget about Valentine’s Day and go about your day as you normally would. Just think of all the half-price chocolate you can buy tomorrow.