In the early 2000s, Survivor was the most thrilling show on TV. We’d sit too close to our clunky Sony box and watch contestants hurl boulders across a field, retrieve conch shells from the ocean floor and shimmy up tall, shaky poles. Through all the obstacle courses and immunity challenges, we always wondered how we’d fare alone in the wilderness. And with astrology as our compass, we can discover which of us has the best chance of survival. The tribe has spoken: Here are the four signs who would thrive on a deserted island, and one who’s somewhere hyperventilating under a palm tree.
Who Would Thrive:
1. Virgo (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Traditionally symbolized by the maiden clutching a bundle of wheat, Virgos are self-sufficient and drawn to the natural world. The earth signs are filled with practical info, like how long humans can survive without water, or which red berries are a tasty snack, and which are lethal. (Virgo’s attention to detail doesn’t seem so silly now, does it?) The quick-thinkers are ruled by the communication planet, Mercury. And they channel all of those racing thoughts, hopes and fears into solid plans and schedules. Efficient Virgos will allocate specific parts of the day to collecting clams, scouting for rainwater and replenishing their fire. Their tendency to overanalyze is put to good use in crisis: While you might scramble to find a more stable shelter as it starts to rain, Virgo’s fortified hut is tropical stormproof. They’re always accounting for what might go wrong, and they’ll survive because of it.
2. Scorpio (Oct 22 - Nov 21)
Scorpios are intrigued by the dark, transformative periods in life. Fending for their lives on a remote island fits the bill. The zodiac’s scorpions are innately defensive (see: stinger hovering menacingly), so they’ll feel more equipped to protect themselves in a disaster scenario. (Something tells us they already carry a Swiss Army knife in their back pocket.) Scorpios are all about the arduous journey. The resilient signs will stop at nothing to get what they’re after, so if they’ve spent three hours unsuccessfully spearing a fish, they’ll try out every strategy until they’ve got dinner in hand. They’re also fiercely independent, so they won’t need to lecture anyone about why their weapon-building process is (obviously) correct. What a time saver.
3. Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
A Sagittarian’s greatest tool is their eternal optimism. They’ll need it to get through the long, hopeless days in solitude. The cosmic daredevils are always running toward their next adventure, meaning they’ll immediately start exploring the island for signs of life. The strong-willed signs will climb jagged cliffs in search of rainwater pools and smash open coconuts with fiery vigor. Sagittarians don’t shrink when faced with challenges or uncertainty, they expand. The Jupiter-ruled signs are the big-picture philosophical thinkers of the zodiac. They’ll keep themselves entertained by carving their ideas and observations into the nearest tree trunk. Sag’s mentality: if they make it out of this alive, it’ll make one hell of a story.
4. Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Work smart, not hard. If we can count on anyone to engineer their way out of a disaster, it’s Aquarius. The highly-creative signs are associated with science and invention. Affectionately known as the zodiac’s weirdos, Aquarians are the ones dreaming up the “idea so crazy it just might work.” Sure, you could search for a stream or pray for rain, but Aquarians would rather utilize the seawater surrounding them on all sides. You can find them fashioning a reverse osmosis system using bamboo shoots. Aquarians are solution-oriented. They have a vision of how they’d like to build their reality and don’t mind if it’s a solo mission. Who needs friends when you can talk to the stars?
Who Would Crumble:
1. Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 21)
Libras feel weird eating lunch alone...in their own home. They infuse all of their energy into their relationships and they delight in listening to loved ones. So being on their own indefinitely is downright terrifying for the friendly air signs. Building a fire takes tenacity and commitment to a plan. Known for their graceful, gentle vibes, Libra might lack the self-belief to continue rubbing dry sticks together like mad. One side of their scales wants to keep blowing on the tinder, the other is ready to give up and think of a new method. There’s no time for indecision when you’re braving the elements. Libras are lovers, but they’ll need to be fighters if they’re going to make it back home. (So start writing that SOS message in your gorgeous handwriting.)