You’re well aware of the five love languages—words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch—coined by author and marriage counselor Gary Chapman in his book, aptly titled The 5 Love Languages.
But since Chapman’s original 1992 publication, the world has changed. Like…a lot. We communicate, date and form relationships in entirely different ways from how we did under the first Bush administration. Long gone are the days of dial-up AOL chatrooms and speed dating. In 2019, you can swipe right, slide into DMs and text “u up?” faster than your McDonald’s drive-through order will be ready. High-speed internet has entirely changed the way we express ourselves.
And so, we present the sixth love language: Social media.
What does this mean? Well, it means that you communicate and process love mostly through social media. It’s how you give love and it’s how you feel loved. Curious if this applies to you? Here are some signs that you might speak the sixth love language.
1. You post flirty selfies
Or as the kids call them: thirst traps. Are sexy selfies cries for attention? One thousand percent. But you know that. You want that positive attention. And sure, if posting to your 734 followers is a means of getting that one person’s attention, well, all the better.
2. You keep track of who follows and likes you…and who doesn’t
Keeping tally of who likes your posts and follows you—and, ahem, who doesn’t—is very important to you. So important, in fact, that you may or may not have an app (or two) that does this auditing for you. You make sure you follow and like your crushes’ posts—shouldn’t they do the same?
3. You’re known to “like bomb”
Ever look at your phone and get alerts that one person just liked 40 of your posts? That’s a “like bomb.” And you’re wont to drop them yourself. After all, isn’t liking someone’s posts an expression of love? For you, it most definitely is.
4. You post more than relationship milestones
When you’re in a relationship, every day is a reason to post about your beautiful history. One-month anniversary of your first date? Post. Three-month anniversary of when you both discovered you like Pepsi over Coke? Post. Eleven-month anniversary of that time you both looked really great at your cousin’s wedding? Post.
5. You get upset if your love interest isn’t matching your social game
When your feed is all about your relationship, but your S.O.’s is lacking, this is an affront. In your mind, if it’s not on Instagram, it doesn’t exist. Logic then follows that your love interest isn’t as into you as you are into him or her. Of course, this isn’t necessarily true; but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s important to you to see your face (or @handle) on your S.O.’s account.
6. You’re greatly moved when your love interested does tag you
On the flip side, you feel absolutely elated when the person you’re dating publicly acknowledges you on social media. To you, this means they care about you and want to show the world you’re in their life. Ahhh, best feeling.
7. You “stalk” or “excommunicate” your exes
But what about when things come to an end? For you, that means you either clandestinely stalk the hell out of your ex (you discovered through his sister’s husband’s story that he brought a date to Thanksgiving!). Or, you go cold turkey and wipe any trace of them from the face of the earth—the earth being social media. It’s called an unfollow topped with a block, and it’s about the worst thing you could imagine doing to anyone.