“Growing up I always dreamed of being a mom, and it's something my fiancé and talked about when we started getting more serious (he's also always to be a dad). In the last few months, though, I've started to rethink whether or not I actually want kids. I'm scared that if I bring it up to my fiancé, he'll say we have to break things off. How do I broach this very touchy subject with him? Does this fundamental difference in what we want mean our relationship is doomed?”
Your timing makes so much sense. When you dreamed about being a mom, it was from a distance. As we get closer to a major decision, we see the choice through a different lens.
Sometimes there’s this sense that with big life decisions, we’re supposed to just know what we want, and not deviate from that knowing. But as you approach marriage, this is exactly the kind of conversation marriage counselors encourage.
It also doesn’t help that there’s a societal tendency for others to start asking, “So…when is the baby coming?” as soon as a couple makes plans to say, “I do.” Honestly, given the cultural norms around this, I commend you for even recognizing your uncertainty, rather than pretending it’s not there.