A wedding is a big deal—you know, a once in a lifetime event (hopefully). So, naturally, when someone gives you an invitation to attend their nuptials, it’s a pretty meaningful gesture. Per Meier, “to have been invited to someone's big day means that you are important in their life, and it may be very disappointing to hear you won't be there.” Still, an invitation is not a decree, and there are myriad reasons why you might need to decline. Fortunately, Meier says that you can RSVP sans guilt, so long as you do it with tact and compassion.
What this looks like, though, will depend on your relationship to the couple, so it’s important to assess that before you proceed. In other words, if you are on a mile-long guest list of a former college roommate who you haven’t seen in five years, it’s perfectly fine to offer up a “more generic yet polite reply,” says Meier; the wedding of a very close friend or family member, on the other hand, warrants a more personal expression of regret when you decline. In either case, Meier tells us it’s key to “show sympathy for being unable to be there to support them.”
Expressing regret for missing a wedding is kind of a no-brainer, but you might be wondering if there’s anything else you should know before you send off the RSVP. Well, it turns out there is. Here, a complete list of dos and don’ts, courtesy of the etiquette expert.