Suddenly, we’re back on the boat where we started the season and the marital issues are aplenty. The royal couple lay their cards on the table and compare their relationship to prison. (Joy!) Elizabeth tells Philip he needs to grow up, and he bemoans his lesser stature.
“I’m currently outranked by my 8-year-old son,” Philip wails as he demands more respect.
Queen Elizabeth is not here for his nonsense and reasonably points out, “He is the heir to the throne.” QE: one. Philip: zero.
Nonetheless, Elizabeth opts to keep her marriage intact by granting Philip a golden goose the title of Prince of the U.K. and Northern Ireland. Now he has a crown, a cape and everything, but all that royal garb isn’t enough to hide his childish behavior. Now would be a great time for Elizabeth to share a bottle of wine (or four) and a rant with Eileen.
It’s Philip, however, who goes over to Mike’s for some whiskey and girl talk. Mike’s off to Australia, and Philip wishes he could join because Elizabeth just told him she wants more kids. Mike points out that Elizabeth might want a few kids who she doesn’t view as mortal threats, because as the heir to the throne, Charles represents her death. Go ahead and let that sink in..