64 Coffee Sayings That Caffeine Enthusiasts Will Totally Get

We love coffee. And not just in the, “oh sure, I’ll have a cup” kind of way. For us coffee aficionados, a steaming cup of Joe is what gets us up in the morning. In fact, we love the stuff so much that we have a coffee subscription delivered to our door every month and even request coffee gifts for holidays and birthdays. Heck, we’ve even found ways to cook with coffee. And guess what? We’re not alone. This magical elixir has been putting pep in the step of just about everybody for centuries. If you can relate and are curious to know just how much love your own morning (and maybe afternoon) ritual receives among not-so-common folk, check out our collection of coffee sayings—these odes from political figures, artists, and modern day celebs really hit the nail on the head. The philosophy and wit that follows is sure to perk you right up...but if that doesn’t work, your percolator probably will.


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1. “without My Morning Coffee, I’m Just Like A Dried-up Piece Of Goat.” — Johann Sebastian Bach

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2. “coffee Is A Beverage That Puts One To Sleep When Not Drank.” — Alphonse Allais

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3. “The fact is, I don’t know where my ideas come from, nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn’t collapse when you beat your head against it.” — Douglas Adams

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4. “i Love Coffee Because It Gives Me The Illusion That I Might Be Awake.” — Lewis Black

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5. “coffee Is A Language In Itself.” — Jackie Chan

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6. “decaf Coffee Only Works If You Throw It At People.” — Anonymous

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7. “coffee First. Schemes Later.” — Leanna Renee Hieber

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8. “i Can’t Stop Drinking The Coffee, I Stop Drinking Coffee, I Stop Doing The Standing, And The Walking, And The Words-putting-into-sentences Doing.” — Lorelai Gilmore, the Gilmore Girls

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9. “i Have Measured Out My Life With Coffee Spoons.” — T.s. Eliot

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10. “the Most Dangerous Drinking Game Is Seeing How Long I Can Go Without Coffee.” —anonymous

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11. “caffeine And Sugar, The Two Basic Food Groups.” — Laurell K. Hamilton

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12. “why, Yes, I Could Start My Day Without Coffee. But I Like Being Able To Remember Things Like How To Say Words And Put On Pants.” — Nanea Hoffman

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13. “as Long As There Was Coffee In The World, How Bad Could Things Be?” — Cassandra Clare

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14. “a Mathematician Is A Device For Turning Coffee Into Theorems.” — Paul Erdős

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15. “this Is Not An Herbal Tea Morning. This Is A Coffee Morning.” — Lorelai Gilmore, the Gilmore Girls

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16. “Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup.” — Gertrude Stein

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17. “a Yawn Is A Silent Scream For Coffee.” — Anonymous

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18. “what Goes Best With A Cup Of Coffee? Another Cup.” — Henry Rollins

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19. “i’d Rather Take Coffee Than Compliments Just Now.” — Louisa May Alcott

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20. “do You Know How Helpless You Feel If You Have A Full Cup Of Coffee In Your Hands And You Start To Sneeze?” — Jean Kerr

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21. “like Most Of The World’s Population I’m Into Coffee, But In A Properly Big And Important Way. My Perfect Weekend Would Start With A Pint Of Coffee.” — Jimmy Carr

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22. “sometimes I Go Hours Without Drinking’s Called Sleeping.” —anonymous

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23. “but Even A Bad Cup Of Coffee Is Better Than No Coffee At All.” — David Lynch

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24. “i Judge A Restaurant By The Bread And The Coffee.” — Burt Lancaster

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25. “may Your Coffee Be Strong, And Your Mondays Be Short.” — Anonymous

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26. “it Doesn’t Matter Where You’re From Or How You Feel, There’s Always Peace In A Strong Cup Of Coffee.” — Gabriel Bá

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27. “i Don’t Know What I’d Do Without Coffee—i’m Guessing Maybe 25 To Life.” — Anonymous

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28. “science May Never Come Up With A Better Office Communication System Than The Coffee Break.” — Earl Wilson

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29. “i Like My Coffee Like I Like Myself: Strong, Sweet, And Too Hot For You.” — Jac Vanek

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30. “behind Every Successful Woman Is A Substantial Amount Of Coffee.” — Stephanie Piro

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31. “to Me, The Smell Of Fresh-made Coffee Is One Of The Greatest Inventions.” — Hugh Jackman

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32. “i Will Start Working When My Coffee Does.” — Anonymous

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33. “coffee Is A Way Of Stealing Time That Should By Rights Belong To Your Older Self.” — Terry Pratchett, thud!

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34. “decaffeinated Coffee Is Kind Of Like A Hairless Cat—it Exists, But That Doesn’t Make It Right.” — Anonymous

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35. “the Powers Of A Man’s Mind Are Directly Proportioned To The Quantity Of Coffee He Drinks.” — Sir James Mackintosh

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36. “to Do Good Work One Must Eat Well, Be Well Housed, Have One’s Fling From Time To Time, Smoke One’s Pipe, And Drink One’s Coffee In Peace.” — Vincent Van Gogh

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37. “if It Wasn’t For The Coffee, I’d Have No Identifiable Personality Whatsoever.” — David Letterman

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38. “We want a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” —Jerry Seinfeld

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39. “i’m Not One Of Those People Who Wakes Up And Thinks, ‘bring On The Day!’ I Have To Have About 7 Pints Of Coffee Before I’m Even Remotely Awake.” – Stacy London

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40. “it Is Inhumane, In My Opinion, To Force People Who Have A Genuine Medical Need For Coffee To Wait In Line Behind People Who Apparently View It As Some Kind Of Recreational Activity.” — Dave Barry

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41. “once You Wake Up And Smell The Coffee, It’s Hard To Go Back To Sleep.” — Fran Drescher

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42. “one Bag Of Coffee Per Cup Of Water, Right?” — Christopher, the Gilmore Girls

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43. “i Force People To Have A Cup Of Coffee With Me, Just Because I Don’t Trust A Relationship To Be Maintained Without Any Other Senses Besides A Computer Or Cellphone Screen.” — John Cusack

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44. “i Gave Up Coffee. It’s Almost Worse Than Giving Up A Lover.” — Sandra Bullock

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45. “when Traveling With Someone, Take Large Doses Of Patience And Tolerance With Your Morning Coffee.” — Helen Hayes

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46. “sometimes I Sound Like Gravel, And Sometimes I Sound Like Coffee And Cream.” — Nina Simone

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47. “when Life Gives You Lemons, Trade Them For Coffee.” — Anonymous

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48. “my Birthstone Is A Coffee Bean.” — Anonymous

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49. “you Can’t Have A Decent Food Culture Without A Decent Coffee Culture: The Two Things Grow Up Together.” — Adam Gopnik

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50. “may Your Coffee Kick In Before Reality Does.” — Anonymous

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54. “everyone Should Believe In Something. I Believe I Will Have Another Coffee.” — Anonymous

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57. “that’s Something That Annoys The Hell Out Of Me—i Mean If Somebody Says The Coffee’s All Ready And It Isn’t.” — J.d. Salinger, catcher In The Rye

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52. “i Put Instant Coffee In A Microwave Oven And Almost Went Back In Time.” — Steven Wright

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56. “i Would Rather Suffer With Coffee Than Be Senseless.” — Napoleon Bonaparte

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55. “you Should Know That, Before 10 A.m., No Matter What The Question Is, My Answer Is Always Coffee.” — Anonymous

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53. “without Coffee, Nothing Gets Written. Period.” — Nancy Kress

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59. “adventure In Life Is Good. Consistency In Coffee Is Even Better.” — Justina Headley

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61. “i Had Some Dreams; They Were Clouds In My Coffee.” — Carly Simon

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58. “drink Coffee. Do Stupid Things Even Faster With More Energy.” — Anonymous

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60. “our Culture Runs On Coffee And Gasoline, The First Often Tasting Like The Second.” —edward Abbey

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63. “everything In My Life Has Something To Do With Coffee. I Believe In A Former Life, I Was Coffee?” — Lorelai Gilmore, the Gilmore Girls

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62. “i Could Serve Coffee Using My Rear As A Ledge.” — Jennifer Lopez

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64. “good Communication Is As Stimulating As Black Coffee, And Just As Hard To Sleep After.” — Anne Morrow Lindbergh

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Freelance PureWow Editor

Emma Singer is a freelance contributing editor and writer at PureWow who has over 7 years of professional proofreading, copyediting and writing experience. At PureWow, she covers...